The Confessions Of A Loser In Love

 Hey Dolls,

So today I’ve decided to blog about my obvious extensive love life. That was a lie, my history is shamefully limited. I've changed all the names for the sake of privacy 
My first boyfriend was Ed, whom I dated for a week  in October, we have now ended our relationship due to differences in character and the fact we will never see each other since I’m in university and he is back home.

I told you I recently went on a date with my best friend here at university, Joe, which inspired me to write this blog post. So I’ll start from the very beginning, from the guy I first liked to the first date and so on.

Okay so the first guy to ask me out was this boy called Liam. It was my first day at secondary school, I was in the lunch line with my best friend at the time (who by the way, has gone totally ratchet goth), when he came up to me and asked me to be his girlfriend! Romance at its finest, I know... Obviously I said no, I didn’t know the guy and he was a year older than me, but it didn’t end there. My girlish gang of friends then decided he would be our next victim in our reign of teasing, he was now known as “mustard top” due to the vibrancy of his canary tones. The next year and a half he faced torment, as bits of sandwich thrown his way, tin foil decorated his locker and my whole year constantly reminded him of my rejection. Where is he now? He is at university in Bournemouth studying God knows what and drinking the finest of Aldi’s wines, a real catch.

Now let’s talk about Harry, he told me he had cancer, skin cancer. I bawled and fawned over him and nearly became his girlfriend... that is until Drew told me this was all a lie, to get me to date him. You can imagine my rage yes?

Next up, my best friend Whom we shall name Evan... I met him during year 8, he was athletic, charming and he always paid me attention. His messy waves of brown curved into his eyes, so he was constantly shaking his hair out from his face. His brother Julian was my big brother figure which I craved for, a bit sciencier and gentler. But back to Evan, I suppose I always knew Evan  liked me, he would ignore others girls and would always be at my beck and call. I apologise sincerely Evan, when looking back I feel as if I wronged you.... especially as I dragged it on for 5 years. Evan and I’s relationship was most confusing; everyone around me said “Lisa, you have to like Evan.” “You’d make such a cute couple” and being as young as I was, wanting to stay in the IT crowd, I believed them. We were always together, he walked me home every day and I was happy being with Evan, there was no reason not to like him. Except that’s just it, I didn’t like him, well at least not romantically; he was so sweet, so available. It was boring. To add to it, I was no way ready to be in any sort of relationship, with my personality there was no way I could be tied down so young!

It was when I was 15 that I went on my first real date, with Evan of course, he had drastically grown over the summer, and I was now at his shoulder, his shoulders broader and his body leaner. He had really gotten into Rugby and all the sports available around him; we went to Camden, not really my scene so we left after 30 minutes and made our way down to Oxford Street. It was nice, we ate and shopped and he was good company, but again really it was just hanging out with your best friend, there was nothing there. I started to back off from Evan when I saw how strong his feelings were for me, it freaked me out. So I started to ignore Evan in favour for a guy now named "Sean", Sean had these huge blue eyes and well again he was a bit of a pushover. We were all in the same group at this stage so it was kind of awkward with Evab gazing over at us. But hey I was no way near ready for Evan’s possessiveness. Nothing much happened with Sean, we acted like a couple for about a year and a half, heavy flirting and skin ship. But I didn’t really want anything to happen; I told him quite regularly that I was in no way looking to change my single status. He ended up being quite needy and I wasn’t feeling that, so who did I run back to?evan.

16 now, talking to both Evan and "Drew", Drew and I would spend ages on the phone together, skyping and texting like mad until he asked me out. And then I went into hiding. Literally I hid from him at school, used Evan as my shield and agreed to be Evan’s prom date... little did I know that becoming someone’s prom date would equal into becoming their girlfriend. So I hid from him too.

That is how I ended GCSE’s... hiding from my problems.

This is going to sound ridiculously sad, but I am now 17, my first real crush. "Ryan", I ridiculously took Maths Statistics for AS Level in sixth form, being led to believe I had a natural talent for mathematics. I will tell you now, teachers lie. I was sat next to Ryan, he was the guy everyone liked, blonde, blue eyes and an easy going smile, he was good looking and didn’t he know it, he was a bit of an arse, he blew off teachers all the time, except they didn’t mind because it was class clown Ryan, he’ll get an A anyway, he took the piss out of girls who weren’t up to his standard, and nobody said a word to him. But he took the time to help me in maths, even though I still never got it “this isn’t like GCSE’s” I whined as I pushed the textbook away “I didn’t even have to revise in GCSE” , he just laughed, eyes crinkling and would push the book forward and start from the beginning. He was a good first crush that lasted all of the first term of sixth form, until I got over it with kpop obsessions! 

Then it was this summer, And that is when I met Henry, rich kid, stuck out, really hot. Tried to have sex with me, I said no and padlocked my tent.  Lisa was not about to get pregnant and die.

I already spoke about Ed, so this is where this blog ends... Dan and Shanghai (not the city) if you are reading this, please fuck off<3 love ya. Btw, D is a spooner, my GBFF will tell you exactly what he thinks of that here: http://philipjosse.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/are-we-gonna-spoon-now.html 

you should also check out his normal blog at http://philipjosse.blogspot.co.uk/

So there you have it, the confessions of a loser in love