All them feels

Hey catapillars,

I'm not so great right now... I wanted to do a fun blog post about something cheery and trivial. But I just can't right now.

I'll be honest with you, my chest hurts. It literally aches. I don't know what to do, what to think. Who to talk to and whom I can trust. What I can even write on here as I know my friends read this blog.

You see my fatal flaw is that I trust everyone, and I expect the best in people. I don't see how you can bring yourself to hurt someone, to play with another persons emotions. But when I say I trust them, I mean I trust them with my emotions, not your standard trust to not cheat or bitch about you, but I trust them to keep me happy. That they wouldn't hurt me. That they actually give a shit.

I suppose this is because this is how I view the world, I should try to preserve people's happiness, to make them feel warm and fuzzy. 

But now that's been broken, I feel as if I don't get anything anymore. I feel beyond stupid, like a moron. What's worse is that all my friends warned me, well my journalism friends, but no, I went in head first, blinded by hope and trust. 

But now... What do I know? Who do I know? Everything was just a lie, and I'm the idiot who believed it.

Stupid little Lisa lost in her world of innocence. 

I guess I'm lost in my fear, that they never cared, that I'm really alone and nobody actually gives two fucks. I'm the type to attach myself to love, I want to be loved. 

But what am I trying to say? I don't really know to be honest, I'm just writing what I feel. I guess the only thing that's holding me together right now is Philip, so I suggest you all get yourself a person who actually cares. So I'll end on a nicer note. 

Philip has been my actual support in everything, he deals with all my shit, let's me lose my cool, deals with the tears of joy and sadness. So I guess Philip, thank you for everything, it must be annoying to repeat yourself all the time. You were right, as always.