Confessions of a Loser In Love pt 2

"And You'll Never Know Love.... And I feel sorry for you!"
-Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort.

Hey little love bugs,
So today I decided I would give you guys an update on my love life.
One of my most popular blog posts was "Confessions of a loser in love", here I talked to you guys about my shamefully full yet empty history.
But these stories were all from before I went to university.
I would consider my love life before uni pretty non-existent. It was full of what if's and me running away from guys, from my own feelings and most of all, running away from growing up, aka responsibility.
But since going to university my love life actually blossomed really quickly. Too quickly if I'm being honest.
The Mistake

I left for University in late September, leaving behind a guy I liked. We had met over summer, and well we had bonded. To be honest it probably was the worry starting to set in that I was going in to university blind to love without any experience, that made me like him. He wasn't my type at all, but all my girl friends had been in relationships, I had started to worry that I had rested in my comfort zone for too long, that I needed to grow a pair and push myself to be in a relationship and well, mature up. I wasn't ready for anything that would happen next.
We were talking every day, and well I started to think that this was alright, I became very comfortable around him, he made me smile and he paid me lots of attention. I come back home for 4 days and he asks me out. I say yes. He tells me that this was our street light.
A few days later we're fighting. He says all the wrong things, by the way we are, you wouldn't think that we had only just started dating. When you start dating, you're supposed to be in the honeymoon stage, all lovey dovey. But here we were, him accusing me of cheating on him with my bestfriend at the time. He had spoken to his female best friend and she, not knowing who I was or what I was like, said she doesn't trust me, that she knew my type. She told him I was seeing another guy behind his back. I know ridiculous right? She'd never even met me, spoken a word to me, or even knew what I looked like. But straight away she knew who I was because she knows my type. The shallow girly girl type who only thought of how we looked.
He knew I wasn't happy, so he invited himself down to my university to stay for 5 days. In those 5 days I knew he wasn't the right guy for me. He embarrassed me, refused to meet any of my friends. acted like a child. The guy that I liked wasn't the guy I thought he was. Relationship over in a week and a half.

When you're a girl like me, you watch all these movies on love, heck I was raised on Chick flicks. I never expected love to be like the movies. But I didn't expect it to be this much of an anti climax. I never expected my first relationship to be so shit, to last a week and a half. To be honest when I get in my next proper relationship I will call that my first relationship. I always expected to be with that guy for atleast a year, I expected to cry when it was over. I expected to miss it. I expected to stay friends with the guy. But nothing works out like how you imagine it will. A guy who you think is harmless, that would never intentionally say anything to hurt you, to then tell everyone you're a slut who cheated. To try to ruin your image. I've blocked him from my life now, no more insulting messages that fuck with your day, no more ignorant phone conversations where he simply mocks you, and no more chances to be friends.

The Beginning of the End

Next up, if you're familiar with my blog you'll know all about.
He was a really good friend of mine, he was sweet and caring and I went to him about almost everything. In fact I was in his room everyday. We were extremely close. But one day, we were just lying in my bed chatting and we kissed. And that was the beginning of the end.
Suddenly we had no idea who we were to each other, friends, but more than friends. We liked each other, but didn't know each other well enough. Stress, tears and miscommunication followed.
We continued, not understanding each others signs. Clinging on to the thoughts and feelings.
But even they're not enough.
People got involved. I cried.
He was probably my first heartbreak. Well in a romantic sense,
He was a good first one though, a lot of tears, there were a lot of feelings on my behalf.
But we agreed we were better at being friends, less messy. So that's what we'd be.
But that didn't work out either, People naturally took sides, and he didn't like it, he started to live in isolation. I worried, he blamed me. I tried to help, it didn't work. Our friendship just fizzled out, we had this one blitz of a phone call with him throwing accusations about me hosting events and telling everyone to exclude them, me shouting and crying back that I never did such a thing. That was the last time we spoke for 3 months.
Then out of the blue we spoke at the beginning of last term. I never imagined I'd ever speak to him again, yet there we were, in his room laughing like first term again, he told me he's never got back in touch with someone after they fell out. I was his first haha.
We were friends again, it was kinda hard and confusing because his best friend and I don't get along, she just doesn't like me for no reason and I couldn't be bothered with that. So he was very much stuck in between the two of us.
But then we started furthering apart again, we became very close very suddenly, and she (the bff) didn't like that, she would scream and shout at him for hanging out with me, and then everything we did had to become secretive, I was pushed aside, and I wasn't happy, I couldn't post pictures of him on snap chat, because apparently she stalks mine, he would come around, and if she found out he would have to leave, we could only hang out on weekends when she wasn't around. I felt small, and stupid, and insignificant. I felt like he thought I would always be around and I wasn't as important as her. So I decided to be done with him. Not for any hateful reason, or ending it in any nasty way, but rather I couldn't be bothered to compete for his attention, because to be real I will never achieve that. I have a lot of friends, they only have each other, I'm not going to steal her only friend.
He still very much means a lot to me, but that's because he understands me in a lot of ways most people don't. He looked after me in my times of weakness, like when I was vomiting blood or everytime I caught a cold, I will always be grateful to him for that.

I don't know why I called this guy my "Beginning of the end", It just feels right, he was the first of my heartbreaks. Because our friendship was doomed from the get go? I don't know.
But I will always love you in a platonic way, its just I'm mature enough to know we can't be friends. We're toxic.

The Pest

If you google image search that, the film cover is almost identical to the guy I'm about to divulge in, The hair, the overeager smile, heck even the sun glasses!
This guy however was sweet, at first he seemed wonderful, I needed a nice guy. When I met him I was still sad about the guy above, he let me forget about him.
However, you know those people who never get the hint? This was all those guys/girls combined into one single body. Seriously, it would be 4am and he wouldn't leave. I would be pushing him out of the door, and slam it shut and he'd just knock again. seriously?
He had this loud booming laugh that he would let bellow about at 4am that would wake up my neighbours.
His shoes would clunk noisily to the floor like worker boots every time he hoped for a little action.
I was mortified.

His hair, how I tried to tell him nicely, but to no avail, he out rightly refused to change his 90's do.
Sooner than later, his nice guy act was beginning to bug me, he wouldn't leave, he inundated me with texts, and Lisa doesn't really do communication. I rather face to face, he demanded entry into my room every day, if I didn't let him in, then he would buzz my neighbour to let him up and then 5 minutes later be at my door.
I had an exam the next day, so I told him specifically in these words "I'm having a hibernation day, so don't come and see me, or bother texting or anything." what does he do, he buzzes my door 4 times during the night, 4 hours straight, once on the hour every hour, calls and texts me to let him up and that I "can't actually be serious". Well I was seriously getting sick of his shit.
It was a term long of clinginess, When I finally told him what I really thought and we called it a day, I was so relived (fun fact- that was also the day I became friends with "the beginning of the end" again). He now has a girlfriend, so the both of us got our happiness.

Hope

I cant speak to much about this one as nothing has happened yet, maybe nothing will. But I found this guy, he's my hope. I really like him, he's just so mellow, so chill and he knows me and gets what I'm like, and he accepts me for that, he deals with all my crap and whining, and doesn't storm off or start an argument with me because of it. I actually want to text him and I take the time to reply to his messages.He's so sweet and endearing, he loves Dennis and he strokes my head and holds my hand.
Hope.
I bloody hope he doesn't see this.

The Confessions Of A Loser In Love

 Hey Dolls,

So today I’ve decided to blog about my obvious extensive love life. That was a lie, my history is shamefully limited. I've changed all the names for the sake of privacy 
My first boyfriend was Ed, whom I dated for a week  in October, we have now ended our relationship due to differences in character and the fact we will never see each other since I’m in university and he is back home.

I told you I recently went on a date with my best friend here at university, Joe, which inspired me to write this blog post. So I’ll start from the very beginning, from the guy I first liked to the first date and so on.

Okay so the first guy to ask me out was this boy called Liam. It was my first day at secondary school, I was in the lunch line with my best friend at the time (who by the way, has gone totally ratchet goth), when he came up to me and asked me to be his girlfriend! Romance at its finest, I know... Obviously I said no, I didn’t know the guy and he was a year older than me, but it didn’t end there. My girlish gang of friends then decided he would be our next victim in our reign of teasing, he was now known as “mustard top” due to the vibrancy of his canary tones. The next year and a half he faced torment, as bits of sandwich thrown his way, tin foil decorated his locker and my whole year constantly reminded him of my rejection. Where is he now? He is at university in Bournemouth studying God knows what and drinking the finest of Aldi’s wines, a real catch.

Now let’s talk about Harry, he told me he had cancer, skin cancer. I bawled and fawned over him and nearly became his girlfriend... that is until Drew told me this was all a lie, to get me to date him. You can imagine my rage yes?

Next up, my best friend Whom we shall name Evan... I met him during year 8, he was athletic, charming and he always paid me attention. His messy waves of brown curved into his eyes, so he was constantly shaking his hair out from his face. His brother Julian was my big brother figure which I craved for, a bit sciencier and gentler. But back to Evan, I suppose I always knew Evan  liked me, he would ignore others girls and would always be at my beck and call. I apologise sincerely Evan, when looking back I feel as if I wronged you.... especially as I dragged it on for 5 years. Evan and I’s relationship was most confusing; everyone around me said “Lisa, you have to like Evan.” “You’d make such a cute couple” and being as young as I was, wanting to stay in the IT crowd, I believed them. We were always together, he walked me home every day and I was happy being with Evan, there was no reason not to like him. Except that’s just it, I didn’t like him, well at least not romantically; he was so sweet, so available. It was boring. To add to it, I was no way ready to be in any sort of relationship, with my personality there was no way I could be tied down so young!

It was when I was 15 that I went on my first real date, with Evan of course, he had drastically grown over the summer, and I was now at his shoulder, his shoulders broader and his body leaner. He had really gotten into Rugby and all the sports available around him; we went to Camden, not really my scene so we left after 30 minutes and made our way down to Oxford Street. It was nice, we ate and shopped and he was good company, but again really it was just hanging out with your best friend, there was nothing there. I started to back off from Evan when I saw how strong his feelings were for me, it freaked me out. So I started to ignore Evan in favour for a guy now named "Sean", Sean had these huge blue eyes and well again he was a bit of a pushover. We were all in the same group at this stage so it was kind of awkward with Evab gazing over at us. But hey I was no way near ready for Evan’s possessiveness. Nothing much happened with Sean, we acted like a couple for about a year and a half, heavy flirting and skin ship. But I didn’t really want anything to happen; I told him quite regularly that I was in no way looking to change my single status. He ended up being quite needy and I wasn’t feeling that, so who did I run back to?evan.

16 now, talking to both Evan and "Drew", Drew and I would spend ages on the phone together, skyping and texting like mad until he asked me out. And then I went into hiding. Literally I hid from him at school, used Evan as my shield and agreed to be Evan’s prom date... little did I know that becoming someone’s prom date would equal into becoming their girlfriend. So I hid from him too.

That is how I ended GCSE’s... hiding from my problems.

This is going to sound ridiculously sad, but I am now 17, my first real crush. "Ryan", I ridiculously took Maths Statistics for AS Level in sixth form, being led to believe I had a natural talent for mathematics. I will tell you now, teachers lie. I was sat next to Ryan, he was the guy everyone liked, blonde, blue eyes and an easy going smile, he was good looking and didn’t he know it, he was a bit of an arse, he blew off teachers all the time, except they didn’t mind because it was class clown Ryan, he’ll get an A anyway, he took the piss out of girls who weren’t up to his standard, and nobody said a word to him. But he took the time to help me in maths, even though I still never got it “this isn’t like GCSE’s” I whined as I pushed the textbook away “I didn’t even have to revise in GCSE” , he just laughed, eyes crinkling and would push the book forward and start from the beginning. He was a good first crush that lasted all of the first term of sixth form, until I got over it with kpop obsessions! 

Then it was this summer, And that is when I met Henry, rich kid, stuck out, really hot. Tried to have sex with me, I said no and padlocked my tent.  Lisa was not about to get pregnant and die.

I already spoke about Ed, so this is where this blog ends... Dan and Shanghai (not the city) if you are reading this, please fuck off<3 love ya. Btw, D is a spooner, my GBFF will tell you exactly what he thinks of that here: http://philipjosse.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/are-we-gonna-spoon-now.html 

you should also check out his normal blog at http://philipjosse.blogspot.co.uk/

So there you have it, the confessions of a loser in love

Planet cray cray

Suppppp sugar pie!

So I went on a date on Friday night! A first date! I know, awkward stuff right?

But it was really good, I like the guy a lot and we went out to eat and it was cute, and the food was really good! 

He ended up paying for the bill, which I felt really uncomfortable about, because we're students and just omg money.

But after the date, he wanted to get some Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and the last time I was in Tesco I picked him up one, so we went to our closest tesco. 

Alas there were no Krispy kremes, you can imagine the look on my dates face right? The absolute look of horror. It was Halloween part 2. 

Desperately I crawl to a member of staff, a friendly looking woman with crooked teeth, and ask her "do you by any chance, sell Krispy kremes?" 

She looks at me, stunned, bewildered. Confusion draped across her face. "Krispy Kremes...?" She mutters, eyes glazed over, "yes, Krispy Kremes... I know you sell them in the big branch" I reply. Still in a wave of confusion she points to a cake, now it's my turn to look upon her mystified! "No... No, as in the doughnuts?" I reply shaking my head. My date in the background, sudden loses his cool and walks to the next aisle to begins his thunderous laughter. "Oh no, I don't know what that is, so I don't think we have that here." She replies now sullen due to embarrassment, "ah" is all I can say before I leave with a thank you thrown over my shoulder.

My date and I are then left to trek to waitrose and pick up quite a splendid carrot cake! But he was still muttering all the way home "what planet does she live on?!" 

What planet indeed.
For more humorous rants on relationships, dates and spooning, you should check out this blog here : http://philipjosse.blogspot.co.uk/

Leon lunch

Hello beautiful blog readers<3

So today I went out on a lunch date, well actually I went shopping in Brent Cross. I came home for the weekend, so while I was here I went out with my boyfriend, so it was a toss up between Yo Sushi (which I absolutely adore, sushi for life) or Leon, which my friend from secondary school (EBS) recommended to me. 

Basically I'm a bit of a health food addict, I'm not crazy, like I still appreciate a good greasy burger and fries, but I know that if I want to live a long healthy life, I'll have to skip the burger for a salad! 

However if you're a student on a tight budget, I don't recommend this restaurant, for 2 people, lunch came to £19.40, but we're bucks students, our limited social life means we save money from going out, so we have extra money to spend on nice restaurants. Although apparently there is a 15% discount for students, but my NUS plus card hasn't arrived yet..

So I had the Chargrilled chicken aioli hotbox with brown rice, which was astoundingly good, the rice and chicken had this beautiful ranch dreading, which usually I am not particularly fond of, I mean if you're going to have a salad, keep it healthy, don't drown the goodness in pointless carbs and fat. Mehhhh personal opinion, haha.

But Conrad had the lamb kofte salad, which he said was good, it came with a super salad, which had a range of leaves, peas and I think he mentioned spinach? Not too sure, the lamb was "minty"

Little cutie!

So from this visit I've decided to give Leon a 10/10 for appearances, I loved the lay out of the shop, the fact it came in little boxes was super kawaii

10/10 for the taste, cause ohmygawd was it good and surprisingly really filling! 

But 7/10 for the price, as I can appreciate not everyone is okay with spending £20 on lunch for 2 #studentlife.

I love this place, and I'll definately be returning when I'm back in Barnet this Christmas!

This is the link to the restaurants website:     

http://leonrestaurants.co.uk

And this is the address for the Brent Cross branch: 

1. Unit 53, Brent Cross Shopping Centre, London NW4 3FP,

   020 8457 9300