My 10 All Time Favorite Albums: Part 2

Lana Del Rey's "Born to Die."

I really got into Lana this summer, I was young and carefree, festivaling it up in Spain and then tanning on a beach to then go karting in the evening. This album is amazing to listen to, especially whilst going down an empty fast lane at night with the roof of the car down. You feel free, reckless and invincible.... Yet you still remain vulnerable, as if it could all end tomorrow, but in that moment nothing can touch you.

Even when I came back home to England, sitting in my friends back garden as they blaze up, we were one, connected by Lana, who lives a completely different life to us, yet seems to sing what we feel. We all came from different backgrounds with different stories, the girl who has everything, the boy who lost it all, the future Ceo, the abused victims, the athletes, the druggies, the girls who eat their feels and people who were perfectly happy. We were all connected by Lana Del Rey, we didn't see our stereotypes, but rather who we actually were. 



"Born to Die"

Born to die was my 2nd song I had ever heard by Lana, My friend Harry back home was blazing up in the park one day and he turned to me and said "Lisa, you like Lana, right?" I told him honestly I had only heard one song, he frowned at me and said "I bet it's Summertime sadness", to which I laughed and said no! He beamed at me this wild gummy smile, his eyes admittedly a little red, and said " You'll love this!" 
I did, I was instantly caught by the music, the sudden change in sound, and then Lana's voice drawls out
"Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
But I’m hoping at the gates,
They’ll tell me that you’re mine"
Her sound is so relaxed and easy, it just makes you want to sit back and look at the sky and appreciate the beauty around you and the people in your life.
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Trying to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn't find
All the answers honey"
I think every Teen out there will be able to relate to this verse, we've all felt lost and confused, it's a natural feeling, but sometimes you're too scared to talk about it, so music is a good way to get that all out of your system, rather than being forced into sharing something you feel vulnerable about, you can listen to her and realize you're not the only one, it makes you feel more at ease with yourself. If you've had your heartbroken, lost someone or even did badly in an exam then music can be your comfort, a safe haven where you can drift off into another world.

"Blue Jeans"

You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!"

Blue jeans is SO melodramatic, I love it, she compares love to cancer and really plays on the "Fatal love" genre, or as the Guardian describes her as "doomed but devoted partner of a kind of Athena poster bad boy, all white vest, cheekbones and dangling ciggie.” She looks so cool, gorgeous, stunning, whilst watching/listening to her you want to experience her life, to be her, to feel her pain."Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before"
Lets be honest here, we all love it when our favorite songs have a little bit of swearing in, mainly because we think that it makes us look "bad ass", when you're with your friends singing along a little drunk if there's a line, we can all relate to, that has a killer beat and a cuss in there, you know you'll sing that line a little louder and laugh it off with your mates, and the older generation looks your way and shakes their head all disgruntled. Fucking love it.
Blue jeans ends on "I will love you 'til the end of time", because lets face it, we all crave love, and we'll go to all extremes to convince ourselves that we've found the one. When lets be honest he/she is actually your 101th.

"National Anthem" 

National anthem actually followed me all the way to university, in fact I still play this song with Philip and when I'm in the gym. I was for a while, addicted to the music video of this song, its based on the Kennedy assassination and after watching this mv about 10 times straight I actually went on some huge research into the Kennedy's.
But yeah so the first memory I have of this song is being on a bus on my way to go clubbing in Piccadilly. It was around 11 pm, we had had our prinks at home and in a pub, so needless to say we were quite tipsy, there were about 15 of us, most of which were 6ft tall boys who were bellowing out to Lana Del Ray, whilst sober they would deny any reaction to her music, but that night we were singing our hearts out. The bus driver stopped the bus twice to tell us to be quieter, because there was a middle age man on the bus who kept complaining, so the boys would begin giggling and shushing each other, as soon as he got off the boys started up again. It was one of the funniest moments of my life, seeing your friends slurring out that:
"Money is the anthem
Of success
So before we go out
What's your address?"
It completed me. Thank you for the memories boys.
But the song, again easily relatable, "He says be cool, but I don't know how yet" all of us have these worries, "ohhh how do I act around him bla bla bla", if you're one of those people right now, take my advice, act yourself, if he wants to change you, he's not worth it. Shouldn't s/he love you for who you are?"God, you're so handsome
Take me to the Hamptons
Bugatti Veyron"
But again I love the honesty of this song, cause completely honest here, if you're good looking and rich then you're considered a full on 10/10. You're a little more attractive if you have money, just look at all them hook up sites, such as sugar daddies/mama's. We live in a materialistic world, as Madonna will let you know.
Coming to university, I found myself in Hailsham one night with the two Alex's and Umay, they played this song and it was that moment where I was like "you know, I'm going to be fine here." 

I think I've babbled on too much tonight, but check out Lana Del Rey! Oh and not all my friends are druggies I promise you, and neither am I!

My 10 All Time Favorite Albums: Part 1

Hey Monster Munch!
So Today I was with Phil, and we were discussing what we could both blog about tonight, his previous blogs were brought up as we discussed how his most read blogs were the ones with were supposedly "scandalous and controversial", to which he received a huge backlash, yet ones such as his "My 10 All Time Favorite Albums" didn't get as many views or comments. Whereas I appreciated his blog post on albums, because it wasn't out there, and people couldn't rile up against it, it wasn't as successful as his "I'd Suckle Those Teats".
However, I enjoyed looking at his music taste, and being the one in the group with the "worst music taste in history", I decided I would respond with one of my own, except I will be doing one album a day!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marina and the Diamonds- Electra Heart.

I absolutely adore this album, I didn't really give it a listen until I'd say at the end of 2013, and its now the end of 2014 and I still listen to this album everyday. I adore her uniqueness, straight from the first verse of the very first song you can already relate to this album "I'll chew you up and I'll spit you out, because that's what young love is all about". You can listen to this song anywhere, be that on a bus straight home or at a sleepover with all your girls jumping around on a bed. We all experience what we think is love when we're young so we can all relate, "Oh dear diary, I met a boy... Oh Diary, we fell apart"
 Then we have the famous "Primadonna" which is my soul song, I swear all diva's will understand this song and say its speaks to them, "I wanna be adored."

I'll skip along to "Power and Control,which to me has an eerie kind of feel, Its about the power struggle in a relationship "Women and men we are the same, but love, but love must be a game.. eternal game of tug of war." I love the whole feel to this song, mystic and dreamlike, I also listened to this song a lot when my best friend was facing abuse from her boyfriend. 
My personal favorite was "Teen Idle" which is about depression and suicide, when Alice died, I think I listened to this song on repeat for about a week. It made me think of what she had gone through, it made me think of everyone else around me that felt trapped. 
"I wanna be a bottle blonde
I don’t know why but I feel conned
I wanna be an idle teen
I wish I hadn’t been so clean"

But also I saw myself in the lyrics, I mean I've never considered that I was depressed or anything like that, I was always content with who I was, and I always knew where I stood, I was Lisa, I was loved and I had loads of friends and I was doing well for my self, so suicide never had the chance to cross my mind, I was genuinely a really happy person, so I never really thought about how others might be effected by it. But when Alice died, It woke me up and  I suppose I allowed my self to fall in a abyss of self pity for a while, I was 17, my soul sister was dead, I'd never been in a real relationship ,never been touched. Before I held that as a beacon "I'm untouchable, a pure figure amongst the dirt" I used to announce proudly, I was a silly girl.  But then after Alice, everything around me, exams and school all felt like a waste of time, instead of being in a classroom, I should have been with Alice experiencing life, what use would Pythagoras be in a life and death situation? But I don't mean to say this song made me feel shit, but rather it made me understand things more. I finally got what Alice had been saying, It dawned on me what real sadness feels like.How the world feels like its over.
So, this album helped me to release some feelings that I couldn't really get out by myself! Needless to say I love Marina!

No one loves Lisa more than Lisa

Hey Cutie Patooties!
So today I had such a great day! Basically it's exam period here, so all my friends have been studying non stop! But I had no exams to study for as my course is 70% coursework based, this left me alone for about 2 weeks now, looking back at it, it probably would have been wiser to go home and be with my parents for a while, rather than staying here and eating all my money. I mean my parents would have loved it, and well, I wouldn't be living off pasta and pot noodle as I am now.

But today was an especially good day for me, as my friends had one of their exams today, I know that isn't the usual reaction to an exam, but they decided that they would treat themselves by having the whole day off, which mean't LISA TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, before exams it was literally like "lets go out every night!" "every night is a mojito night!" Now I sit alone in my room with Netflix, watching all the marvel movies, either not microwaving the popcorn long enough so O have half a bowl of kernels or the other extreme, charcoal-ed ash like burnt flakes of what used to be buttery goodness.

But oh the joys of going out! I went shopping! Oh the splendors of shopping! First we ate in Nando's, now I don't know how strong your palette is, but I had only been into a Nando's once before, and that was for some birthday do. So I had no clue about this "spicy" thing in Nando's.

Okay, I'll give you some background, I'm half Thai, which means I was practically raised on chili's, I mean, I can handle heat! Well actually, I didn't actually know any different until I came to University.
 But my friends insisted "oh no I stick to the lemon and herb, anything above that kills me", and I mean that got me totally freaked out. So I was like, lets just stick with Medium. It claims to "hit the spot", but I have no idea what spot it hit, I mean it was mild! No heat at all. But hey, it was still good chicken. I mean, it's more like, thank fuck I actually missed meat. The two friends I mainly eat with are Philip and Zoe, I mean I more snack with Zoe on chocolate and popcorn, but I have a lot of my main meals with Phil, but they are both veggies, which means I don't eat as much meat as I used too. To me this is a good thing, before I came to university I was trying to cut down on the meat, I don't know why, but I was. I wanted to eat it about maybe once or twice a week? But my Father loves a steak and all that, so it was difficult. Now I would say none of my main meals contain any meat at all! If I'm in a restaurant then I'll have a nice steak but now when I'm cooking, or more like attempting to cook, I have to consider everyone else too (also I don't really fancy giving myself food poisoning).

But yes! Such a good day with my friends and now I feel all nurtured and LOVEDDDD!
I bought some items for my birthday outfit so I'm super excited now! I invaded my neighbours room just to float around in my dress! We share the same birthday so I was like "how do I look" again asking for love and praise hahahah! I'm so clingy!
JUST 4 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 FOR THE CELEBRATIONS!!!!!!!!
It's good to be here with my friends, nope actually, they're family, and the whole family is invited to celebrate MEEEEE!

Kpopcalypse

Okay Hunnybunnies

We're going back to what really matters! KPOP!!!!!

Today's topic? BAP. The current yummy scandal that has everybody screaming.

As all you fellow Kpop lovers will know, 2014 is also known as the Kpopcalypse. All our favorite groups are breaking up or facing turmoil, EXO 12 is now EXO 10, Park Bom of 2ne1 drug scandal and Sulli on Hiatus after it appears she was caught in a dating rumor, are just some of the biggest scandals at the moment.
Fan's react through MAMA awards
13 BIGGEST KPOP SCANDALS
But the current situation mirrors Exo's scandal a tad, as we netizens all know, Kpop Idols have it rough, they get hardly any sleep, a few hours a day if they're lucky, and are completely overworked, BAP for example released a statement where they revealed: "Starting from March 21 of this year until June, the members traveled to Sendai, Osaka, Tokyo, the Philippines, New York, Dallas, Chicago, Los Angeles, London, Paris, Dusseldorf, Melbourne, Sydney, Taiwan, Singapore, Fukuoka, Nagoya, Chiba, and Bangkok to complete a murderous schedule. Due to their busy schedule, the members suffered mental and bodily fatigue, which was what the 'agency trust problem' referred to." 
more on BAP's statement can be found here: BAP response 
Also it is rumored that the 3 years BAP were with their management company, TS ENT, they only earned $16,000 per member, despite the fact they had done 2 world tours, released many mini-albums and had been in variety shows throughout the 3 years. However TS ENT. released their own statement which can be found here: TS ENT statement, where they reveal that the company had to make even on what the invested before the big bucks could start rolling. 
"we entered 2014, we were past the break-even point on our finances and B.A.P were on the verge of turning a profit"

However this blog post will be on my opinion of the situation, you may agree or disagree but they are my opinions, so if you don't like them, tough tits. 
As soon as the news broke that BAP were leaving the company, the fans went on a frenzy looking for reasons why they would leave. It came out that the members were in poor health and were still being forced to work with no sleep. This one post that I came across really struck me.

I'll never understand why companies overwork their artists to the point where they can no longer work, its not good for the artist or the company! Where is the common sense in that. We saw this with Kris in EXO, where he ended up with a terrible heart condition and was forced to leave EXO for his own health.
How can we do this to other human beings? To reduce a person to a shadow of what they were before. Obviously if your artist faints on stage, they cant give the service to the fans as they are supposed to, they wont be able to cope with the intense dance routines, and if they lose their voice, how are they supposed to sing for a 3 hour concert? 

But what I also hate about the kpop industry is the training period, where some artists will train for maybe 7 years, where they have to provide for themselves, but they can't get a job that pays much as they have to train everyday from morning until night. But all this training can lead to nothing! They may never make it, they can be dumped at any moment.
Life of a Kpop Trainee
Confessions of an EX YG Trainee
Confessions of an EX SM trainee
Keep in mind that there is suspicion that these trainee tales are made up.
But I can't help but feel sorry for KPOP idols. its true that once they've made it, they earn a lot of money and get free shit. but lets be real, is it all worth it? To be reduced to a shell of the person you once were, to have shit health, to not be allowed to date and have a life outside your career? To be part of a slave contract?
I know I don't think its worth it, and that's coming from a hardcore kpop fan. 

A note to a Friend

Hey Butterflies,
Recently I blogged about how I was feeling one night, and I'll be completely honest with you, I wrote that blog after a drunken Friday night where I was hurt and confused. I was led to believe a story about a dear friend of mine, one that turned out not to be true, but at the time he was too drunk to talk to, and my friends around me were up in arms.

I don't know if I should be blogging about this, originally I wasn't going to, as I felt this was too personal, but the friend who the post was on read my blog recently, after we had patched things up, and I suppose I want to write this up so he knows that I don't feel like that anymore.So he can stop feeling guilty.

I'll just come out with it, its quite embarrassing for me, as I've never had this happen to me before, but I suppose its all a learning experience. Okay, so I was I don't know what you'd call it, kinda seeing someone, not dating but like I don't even know, we started as good friends and we got on really well, so I guess we both knew we cared for one another and wondered if it could be more. Hmm, it wasn't working out, I knew it, he knew it, but we were both stuck, me because I liked this guy, he made me feel good about myself, I was comfortable around him and I really did trust him. I liked how he brought me hot chocolate when i was working late in the studio, and when he put X's on the end of a text it made me all giddy, because he'd use them only when he thought it was right, so they actually meant something.
But I guess I always knew our personalities clashed, its true when i said all my friends warned me, they all used the exact same ice-cream reference of vanilla and bubblegum. I was laid back with arguments, I didn't really see them as a big deal, well I don't even classify what we had as arguments, but he did, he saw them as a big deal, really I was just throwing a strop for attention, but he never got that. I knew, that we would have trouble working since he didn't know how to handle that situation, I do that all the time, with my friends, family and even lecturers and teachers! I spoke to Philip about it, saying how confused I was about everything, that I didn't know where things were heading. So I always knew things would be difficult with him, but I suppose I was more prepared for that, as with a personality like mine, I tend to clash with people a lot, like not negatively as I get on with most people, but I'm just never completely compatible with someone.I'm just open with my opinions, I say whatever is on my mind, always bubbly and bright.

One night we decided as a group we would go down to the bar for a bit of pre-exam relaxing, I was with my friends and we were laughing about well a certain mythological country we had come up with, when he turns up completely smashed, it was a funny state to watch, except one of our other friends then takes me to the toilet and basically states my fear, I leave the toilets in tears and tell Philip,everyone eventually finds out. Everyone except him. I ended up consoling myself with chocolate, wine and a blog post, which is this post here: All Them Feels, Philip doing the same here:Tea and Sympathy . I ended up talking about it the next day with him where he told me, what I heard the day before was far from the truth and she must have confused things, we agreed to go back to being friends, it made everything easier.

So, to the guy in question. I reckon that blog post made you feel pretty damn shit, I hope it did, because you made me feel real shit that night. But now, I want you to forget about it, we're good as friends, heck I am officially using the term BFF. A lot worse has happened in my life, and in fact I'm feeling a lot more self assured now I know where we are. You'll always be special to me, but don't feel awkward after reading that post, I don't want your pity, nothing works out perfectly in life, I care about you a lot, it'd make me incredibly sad if we lost contact. I'll admit I'm confused as to how to act around you, we facetimed tonight, but I was a bit unsure, before as friends I would literally lounge across your bed and wear your hoodie and drink all your tea. So I'll try and ease back into that, not that fast because it could be awkward. I'm also sorry it happened so publicly, everyone knows, literally. I know you're a more private kind of guy, I'm also sorry you felt like everyone sided up against you. You know I would never condone that.

I don't know when you'll read this, but I guess I want to say, like a mantra, I'm the best bitch you'll ever meet!

I'm Coming Home

Hey Snowflakes,
So today I'm going to blog about something everyone has to go through, Goodbyes.

So as the exam periods comes to an end, all the students are going home, whether that be 5 hours away in Newcastle or a whole flight away in Italy! It's strange, as you think you'll be super duper excited to go home, chill out in your house and be with friends and family.

But yesterday I was seeing my best friend, Daniel,off before he went home today, and we were saying how weird it was to suddenly pack up your room, and see how empty it was. Your whole life in just a few boxes... To go from seeing all these familiar faces everyday to not seeing them at all for 7 weeks. And what makes it more surreal is that you realize that these people, who have now become your family, you've only known them 10 weeks.




 Yet you love these people, I know I rely on my friends way too much for example, if I ever have an allergic reaction I now come to expect Daniel to be there with my tablets, soothing me to sleep and Shanghai randomly turning up 10 minutes later out of the blue, if I'm crying my eyes out Philip is just a phone call away and if I need solid, cold hard truthful advice Elysia and Rhys are literally just 5 minutes away. My neighbor Alice, is always up for a wine session and Zoe for girl nights. Its weird to think that these people will be all in different parts of the country and I can't just turn up at their door with a cup of tea and a pack of sweets.

But when your're back home, all those friends you left behind, what do you say to them? Its inevitable that we've all changed, we were never that close to start with, being apart made us realize that. Do I want to socialize myself with them? I know Dan said he was scared when he saw me eating sweets that looked like purple tablets, I know my friends do that stuff now. Do I really want to get involved in that scene? My other group I know, the group I actually love with all my being, left that all behind, so I could hang with them like I did when I visited home previously. But what do I do when my old group comes calling? It'd be good to see them, and I'm excited for it. But its scary at the same time.


But then you face the fear of when you do come back to university, will everything be the same? or will those fragile relationships you built up come crashing down? Will he be awkward, will she still want to talk to me or are her walls back up?



All in all, I'm actually really excited to be going home. I know when I see my friends, everything will go back to how it was, I'll go out with them every night on the lash, we'll go clubbing and we'll dress up and have big get together's. I know I'm making a fuss over nothing. And my Uni friends? Well I decided to stay in University until the 14th of December even though I finished my course on the 26th of November, so I could spend time with my friends here and also celebrate my birthday with them. Daniel is coming up from Newcastle on the 12th which is my actual birthday and Matt is going to try for the 11th or 12th! All my other friends are still here so I'm super excited! I know everything is going to be okay, I'll text everyone everyday and my journalism class even swapped Skype's! so we're having big group powwow Skype sessions.

But when you're driving home maybe you can listen to this music, get you in the mood for all those huggles you'll be receiving:

Its not a Hobby, its a lifestyle.

Hey Kawaii Bears,

So today I decided I shall blog about something my friends give me a lot grief over. My spending habits.
So my bank statement came in for last month recently and I realized I spent a real obscene amount of money on just about nothing really.

I go to this private university so the kids here are to say, a little different from kids at other universities. I mean I heard there used to be foreign royalty here!

I'll just say it, rip it off like a band aid Lisa! Okay, deep breath, I spent almost £2000, not including tuition. You can bet that I gasped in horror to quickly phone my parents, who then calmly told me that it was all okay, but suggested that I calm down with the shopping.

Maybe to you, £2000, is a lot or not that much, but for my first month into uni, my expenses come to £2k in a month, that kinda freaked me out! 

What was I spending it on? Was what I spending that money on really worth it? I can't even remember what I bought besides clothes and a few photo frames! 

As I scanned the letter reading off all the purchase I realised it wasn't the clothes, I had only spent around £400 on clothes, and about £500 on food. 

However looking at this one week in particular I managed to spend £500 pounds separate to all of that from above, in about 5 days. Why is this you question? I had a guest around for a couple of days, so I bought things for my room to make his stay more comfortable, I stocked up my fridge, buying finest this, finest that. But when he came, we then hit tesco/ sainsburies everyday too, which came to about £60 per day, I can't even begin to comprehend what we were buying, because when he left he told me "when you left for lectures, there was literally no food about. I was starving." But when he left I found a ton of food that had to be chucked out! We also dined in a nice fancy restaurant and I footed the bill, which I didn't mind since he was my guest. I guess I don't really mind that I spent that much money on him, because it was only once, I made an occasion of it, and it's not like I'm going to have a repeat of it again this month! 

But that leads us to £1,400, what about the other £600? That was what I took out of the ATM. So nights out, food for dinner if we ate out, and buying fresh flowers.

So here I am, admitting I'm a shopping addict. I go to the shopping mall every week, Zara and Topshop were a constant presence in my bank statement. 

I always manage to go to a coffee shop and/or starbucks at a minimum of once a week, and I seem to be going out to clubs at least 3 times a week. My friends also enjoy going out to dinners, so we'll hit up a nice restaurant.
You know that film, confessions of a shopaholic? Yeah that's my life right there. Enjoy the trailer down below:

But, this way of spending is not necessarily a good way, my parents let me get away with it now with just a slight reprimanding, but when I have a job of my own, just starting out in life, I won't be able to spend as lavishly as I do! Then what will I do? Cry in bed? 

I think if I'm perfectly honest I'd rather starve the rest of the week than give up my shopping sprees. 

So where shall I leave this on? I should say what I'm planning to do, Philip suggests a budget, but neither me or my parents think that will work out! So I guess I'll have to give something up? I know I will minus that £500 next month, but that's still £1,500 in 30 days. A whopping £50 a day, so I guess I'll minimise the food shopping, because most of it goes to waste anyway since I go out to eat a lot. 

But I'm not joking my KAWAII Bears, I have an addiction, I want to look nice and new and always in trend. Zara is a godsend, affordable and Classic. Since losing my parents to university I had to give up the designer labels until I get back home, so to me zara and Topshop, have saved my soul. 

But I guess I don't want to appear like a crazed shopping egotistic freak, so I will try and say why I shop so much. Shopping soothes my soul, whenever I'm sad or angry or even stressed, I go to malls for comfort! For example after I lost Alice, if I ever felt sad about it and told my mum, she would leave whatever she was doing and take me shopping and to get starbucks and we'd chat about it. I'd leave with a new dress or jumper and matching shoes  and few other bits and bobs and I'd feel much better, I had what I was so sad about off my chest and I had had my ego boosted. Again maths mock results back, heartbroken phone call to the parents, and off we went to go look for jewellery and math textbooks. You forget all about heartbreak and boys, 

So I suppose I always found shopping a way to comfort myself, it clears your mind, from crying over a C to "does this look good on me?" 

I suppose this make me sound extremely materialistic, but everyone has a hobby, mine is just a tad more extravagant. 

All them feels

Hey catapillars,

I'm not so great right now... I wanted to do a fun blog post about something cheery and trivial. But I just can't right now.

I'll be honest with you, my chest hurts. It literally aches. I don't know what to do, what to think. Who to talk to and whom I can trust. What I can even write on here as I know my friends read this blog.

You see my fatal flaw is that I trust everyone, and I expect the best in people. I don't see how you can bring yourself to hurt someone, to play with another persons emotions. But when I say I trust them, I mean I trust them with my emotions, not your standard trust to not cheat or bitch about you, but I trust them to keep me happy. That they wouldn't hurt me. That they actually give a shit.

I suppose this is because this is how I view the world, I should try to preserve people's happiness, to make them feel warm and fuzzy. 

But now that's been broken, I feel as if I don't get anything anymore. I feel beyond stupid, like a moron. What's worse is that all my friends warned me, well my journalism friends, but no, I went in head first, blinded by hope and trust. 

But now... What do I know? Who do I know? Everything was just a lie, and I'm the idiot who believed it.

Stupid little Lisa lost in her world of innocence. 

I guess I'm lost in my fear, that they never cared, that I'm really alone and nobody actually gives two fucks. I'm the type to attach myself to love, I want to be loved. 

But what am I trying to say? I don't really know to be honest, I'm just writing what I feel. I guess the only thing that's holding me together right now is Philip, so I suggest you all get yourself a person who actually cares. So I'll end on a nicer note. 

Philip has been my actual support in everything, he deals with all my shit, let's me lose my cool, deals with the tears of joy and sadness. So I guess Philip, thank you for everything, it must be annoying to repeat yourself all the time. You were right, as always.

Lay back and think of England

Hey Rotwielers

So last night after my dinner with my lecturer, I was lying in bed scrolling through facebook on my phone when BOOM! Another person I went to secondary school with just gave birth! 

To a beautiful bouncing boy! 

So I started to think... Who do I know of that had a child during their teen years? 

So I started a list! A list I won't mention but there's 5! 5 young adults who had a baby! 

Some who were supported by their family and the father of the baby stuck by, and she's really happy. 

Some however aren't as lucky... I went to primary and secondary with this one girl, whom I shall call Frankie, she was trouble since young, but a nice enough person. We spoke sometimes, she was adopted, but she hated her adoptive family because they wouldn't let her stay out late and they didn't like how she skipped school and slept around. She was still in contact with her birth mother who was on drugs and in rehab, and she would run away from home to see her mum and party with her! 

Then one day she gets pregnant! The guy whom was supposedly "the love of her life" turns out is the baby daddy of 3 other babies... He started out young. 

He left her as he did the other baby mama's and she cried, and now she tactfully posts instagram posts saying "how she don't need no man." That's great Frankie, please tell me more.

But then I also know this beautiful and sweet soul called Hanna, she was so lovely, and she had a baby at 19, she turned out to be one of the best single mothers, no.. Mothers full stop! She loves her child, she worked at a shop so she could support her child and went into college to learn to be a nanny, so she could earn a living doing that instead so she could spend all the time she could with her own daughter and other children seeing Hanna, made me change my whole perspective of teen pregnancy, before she partied and always came home drunk, but now she's got a career. She's happy and she is stable. She loves her life!

And although to me, a teenager myself, I think teen pregnancy is a rarity, it's actually not so odd anymore with figures such as 3 in 10 teen American girls will get pregnant at least once before age 20. That’s nearly 750,000 teen pregnancies every year. About 25% of teen moms have a 2nd child within 24 months of their first baby. 

So what can I finalise on teen pregnancy? Well I think age doesn't really matter, I mean if you think about it about one hundred years ago, girls of 13 were becoming mothers! But we have supposedly moved on and become superior to those days. And we now have the right to an education, girls can now make a future for themselves. Having a child can stop that for a while, but you can still be a fucking great parent, you can love your child, nurture your child and go out and actually provide for that baby. I believe you know when your ready for a kid, I mean it's a huge responsibility that not everyone can handle! A life solely depending on you. I don't think age matters, but I do believe you have to be willing to give up everything for that baby. To be able to love it more than yourself, more than that idiot who knocked you up. 

If you're a parent and your teen is having a baby, then I suggest you read this:

http://m.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/teen_pregnancy.html

Or similarly if your a teen and your pregnant and scared, read this:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/teenager-pregnant.aspx

http://m.yourdailyscoop.com/10-celebs-who-were-teen-parents/

http://www.teenageparents.org.uk

Let it snow! Snowflake tutorial

Hey santa's little helpers!

So after I finished blogging yesterday, I was in quite a festive mood! 

As you may know, I live in Halls, so I'm always trying to make my room more 'homely'. This isn't an easy task, it takes a lot of time and money. 

I changed my bed spread to one more of my own liking instead of the university provided sheets. I have a shit tonne of pillows and cushions, and I've put up kawaii heart shaped fairy lights and I always buy fresh flowers, there are also photos in every corner of my room! Literally this is my notice board:

I bought way too many photo frames, ones that hang, some to sit on my window and some for my desk and bedside table!

But now Christmas is looming, I have decided since my room is a corner room and everyone who passes can look in, I need to make my room extra Christmassy... I will go out later on maybe in December to buy actual decorations, but for now, let's make snowflakes!!!

1. First get your a4 sheet of paper and fold to make a triangle. You should have a rectangle of paper not being used, use scissors to cut it off! 

2. Then you want to fold your triangle, into a small triangle! So just fold in half!

3. Then you want to fold this again, but this time fold a third so like this! 

And then again! But with the remaining side 

4. This is time to get creative!

This is where you design your own snowflakes! I suggest using a pen to draw the design first, don't worry of your first few don't look so great! Just keep going! 

For more tutorials, i would check out these Youtube Videos:

 

Some Blogs also have really good tutorials such as

http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/easy-cheap-winter-craft-paper-snowflakes/

How to Publicly Humiliate Yourself- a tutorial by Lisa Collins

Hey SnowFlakes!

So I'm sitting here on my bed contemplating how this year has gone by way too fast, and somehow my mind had drifted to all the times I've embarrassed myself this past year. And I decided that is what I shall blog about today. 

This is in no particular order, but let's go! 

1. On Friday night, I got utterly drunk at my lecturers house and asked him when he lost his virginity.

2. I said this whilst being half past out lying on my studio editors legs.

3. It took me 40 takes to do a 1 minute introduction to a news report, until they broke down the script.

4. On the plane coming back from Spain this summer, I proceeded to knock straight into an air hostess, knocking over all the drinks she was holding.

5. On that same flight, I then accidentally fell into a mans lap.

6. I got kicked out a club for being drunk. Infront of the guy I liked.

7. On public TV I said "or. Via. Email." On my first ever broadcast. Now whenever anaconda by Nicki Minaj is on my friends torment me.

8. Again in Spain, I made out with this guy one night, the following night, he came over to talk to me... I ran away. Avoided all eye contact and when we were leaving I just shouted "Bye!" And was blanked. 

9. Realising that I was a weirdo for never having kissed with tongue. 

10. Cringing out when I tried to.

11. Accidentally pulling Dan H off his chair in 13.

12. Falling over myself, after laughing so hard at Dan Hon the floor.

13. Not drinking at all during Never have I ever.... No sexual experience revealed to all. 

14. Having Dan Morris carry me home.

The last one is actually a nice memories for me, Dan Morris is my big brother!<3

Chicks before Dicks

Hey Cookie crunch;
So i've been really busy lately with my journalism course, that I completely forgot about blogging! For example yesterday Philip and I volunteered to script and take control of the assignment we were given as a class, everyone managed to go home by 5:30pm GMT, but Philip and I continued until 7:30pm GMT! That may not seem late, but we had been working since the morning, with our lecture and filming etc. we had no time to eat! We then had to run home to then plan ahead for our radio show- which by the way is on tonight LIVE at 5pm on Bucks 101.

So today I have decided I will be blogging about my best friend's previous relationship(I'll re-name her Reese), she was with this guy whom I shall name Roger.
Now this topic I'm about blog about will be quite a serious topic, and I'll say this now, this is how I saw their relationship, how it was presented to me.

So Reese was this beautiful gorgeous girl, she had thick waves of dark hair, a wide open smile that made her eyes crinkle into small little peeps of sunshine. She was vulnerable, very weak, but strong at the same time. She had been through a lot, she had a drug phase that she actually manage to get out of and made her way to getting the 2nd best grade in ALEVEL. But Reese is very easy to manipulate, she changes how she acts, what she does according to who she's with, she gives in to peer pressure.

When i first met Reese, I went up to her after a mathematics introduction, she was wearing a dress I also had at home, and she was super kawaii! I mean in a room full of math nerds, being the only 2 girls in the room I thought "Hey, she looks like my type of friend." We took selfies, I told her all about the girl I hated, and she told me about her past drugged up year. We got on extremely well. We texted throughout summer and when she had her appendix removed, you can guess that I invited myself around her house with flowers. We were now best friends, we went out to eat sushi, to shop and to generally squeal at all the cute things we could find.
It was at this point, when we got back to school that she actually started to talk to Roger, Roger was in our mathematics class. He was a friend of mine, with a big bush of blonde curls and these greeny/grey eyes. He was the nice guy next door, sweet Roger, he wouldn't hurt a fly! We thought they were super good together! They could talk to each other about maths and save me from the boredom of pretending to actually understand whilst my mind slowly melted with confusion. They looked good together, I mean they were both attractive, very slim and small. Everything was great for about a year!

That is until we got into Alevel, both Reese and Roger did amazing at AS level, but for some reason Roger started to slack on his studies whilst Reese became intense with her no lunch regime, just library and her textbooks. Usually she'd go with Luke, but I would go with her occasionally. She started to cry all the time, and I began to worry. 

I would walk into school and she'd be sitting there in the sixth form area, beaming this big smile at me, but her eyes were all red and puffy. She started to tell me everything. Roger only spent time with her when he wanted sex, he damanded sexual favours from her and if she didn't oblige, he just leave. 

He had changed her so much, long gone were her short dresses and band shirts, but now she wore pastle knee length dresses teamed with a pastle cardigan, her hair shorted by a few inches and the general tone of her makeup lightened. 

I remember being with them when she told me she wanted to dye her hair, he went crazy. Roger was all about image. 

Next up we're at this house party in this obscenely quite area but the houses are all far apart so you can't disturb the neighbours! But then you can't walk home either. We had all driven there in our little groups and were planning on splitting a taxi back, that is until total shit went down. Little Hannah and her boyfriend broke up again, and I go running after Hannah who's in floods of tears, except I run past Reese and Roger,  Reese is totally crazy drunk and Roger is shouting at her, for getting so drunk and ruining his image. She wants to go back inside with the others but Roger is demanding to leave. My friend Geoff comes out to look after Hannah with me, but my focus is on Reese crying in the background, I could hear the fear and distress and I wasn't happy. I told Geoff to look after Hannah, I wouldn't be long but Tom just came out to look after Hannah so Geoff came with me, as we near Reese and Roger, they still have no clue that we're so close, I see

Roger shove Reese into a brick wall, she slams into the wall and lands in a heap on the floor. It was horrible to see, to watch your best friend look so

Shattered. She stumbled up, and he grabs her by the arms and drags her home. I had already called my mum to pick up Hannah, so I run up to Reese and Roger and tell them my mum will give them a lift too. I didn't want her to walk back alone with him this livid.

We get to Rogers house, and Reese tells him she doesn't want to stay the night at his, in the car he acts like it's all cool, she goes into his to get her stuff, when he throws the bag with all her things in, straight at her face. She comes back into the car in floods of tears, my mum was not impressed. It was the next day all of us girls were discussing how worried we were for Reese when Hannah told us she'd seen Roger slap Reese's arm in the study area once, and she just flinched like she was used to it.

This is how their relationship continued, he was spending all his time with this girl Fiona, treating Reese like his slut. I was seething in the background, holding Reese up everytime she cried, I was on the phone to her every night, telling her tonight she shouldn't cry over him like she did the last, of course that didn't work but it helped to make her feel better about herself. The teachers even asked me to watch over her and I had to go to quick little meetings about how most of the sixth form students were holding up, our main concern being Reese. When she finally ended things, she came to mine still crying, but everything was going to be okay, I remember my dad awkwardly leaving, and returning with a tub of Häagen Dazs, saying how no guy was worth it, my dad is alright with crying teens. And it was okay, we're still best friends, we went on holiday, she met someone new, now studying in warwick university,she's doing well. Just remember guys,Bros before hoes. 

I will say this, they are both really nice people, they just...I don't even know. You see Roger would help anyone out, you could call him and he would stop what he was doing just to do you a favour. When I lost Alice, he sent me the sweetest text after I had the biggest meltdown in school, telling me how he got that no one got it, cause no one got her. We were really good friends, until my opinion of him changed after seeing Reese cry so much. He knew that she told me everything, so we started to become very wary of each other. I'm sorry Roger, I know you loved her, but it was unhealthy. And I'm glad you're both happier now. I don't want to end this saying you're a bad guy, when I  don't think you are.