I came, I saw... I contoured.

(source: Teen.com, http://www.teen.com/2015/06/18/style/beauty-news-trends-ideas-celebrity-inspiration/dark-under-eye-circle-remedies-hacks-tips-tricks-for-bags-under-eyes/) 

Tyra Banks once said "I love the confidence make up gives me" and I totally agree, without my daily dose of makeup, the soothing soft blush brush against my cheek bone, I am lost.
I feel dirty and ugly all day, as if the air around me is toxic for my naked skin, as if it NEEDS the protective shield of makeup.

"Don't look at me" is the immediate response I have whenever I see anybody without my usual cover up, I feel insecure, how are my pores?

 I'm not even ashamed of my makeup-less face, I have no trouble waking up bare faced with my boyfriend, or lounging around with my galpals on Sunday sleepover slap free.
I can wake up for lectures, wash my face, and slather on lotions and potions until its hydrated and producing a dewy glow, yet half way through the day, the feeling kicks in.
That sudden heinous feeling, when everyone else around you is so beautifully dolled up and you look like a slug in comparison.

What do you do? You grimace and bare with it until the end of your day, and when you get home you look in the mirror, and your skin is flaking, your complexion pasty and your lipped chapped. You sit there, convincing yourself the bags under your eyes were Prada, so it didn't matter.

In the end you promise yourself, tomorrow is another day, tomorrow will be different. But your alarm goes off at 8am and you repeat the same mistakes.

This is the beginning of hopefully a series of reviews of makeup products ranging from luxury to drug store brands.

Keep Pouting darlings

Confessions of a Loser In Love pt 2

"And You'll Never Know Love.... And I feel sorry for you!"
-Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort.

Hey little love bugs,
So today I decided I would give you guys an update on my love life.
One of my most popular blog posts was "Confessions of a loser in love", here I talked to you guys about my shamefully full yet empty history.
But these stories were all from before I went to university.
I would consider my love life before uni pretty non-existent. It was full of what if's and me running away from guys, from my own feelings and most of all, running away from growing up, aka responsibility.
But since going to university my love life actually blossomed really quickly. Too quickly if I'm being honest.
The Mistake

I left for University in late September, leaving behind a guy I liked. We had met over summer, and well we had bonded. To be honest it probably was the worry starting to set in that I was going in to university blind to love without any experience, that made me like him. He wasn't my type at all, but all my girl friends had been in relationships, I had started to worry that I had rested in my comfort zone for too long, that I needed to grow a pair and push myself to be in a relationship and well, mature up. I wasn't ready for anything that would happen next.
We were talking every day, and well I started to think that this was alright, I became very comfortable around him, he made me smile and he paid me lots of attention. I come back home for 4 days and he asks me out. I say yes. He tells me that this was our street light.
A few days later we're fighting. He says all the wrong things, by the way we are, you wouldn't think that we had only just started dating. When you start dating, you're supposed to be in the honeymoon stage, all lovey dovey. But here we were, him accusing me of cheating on him with my bestfriend at the time. He had spoken to his female best friend and she, not knowing who I was or what I was like, said she doesn't trust me, that she knew my type. She told him I was seeing another guy behind his back. I know ridiculous right? She'd never even met me, spoken a word to me, or even knew what I looked like. But straight away she knew who I was because she knows my type. The shallow girly girl type who only thought of how we looked.
He knew I wasn't happy, so he invited himself down to my university to stay for 5 days. In those 5 days I knew he wasn't the right guy for me. He embarrassed me, refused to meet any of my friends. acted like a child. The guy that I liked wasn't the guy I thought he was. Relationship over in a week and a half.

When you're a girl like me, you watch all these movies on love, heck I was raised on Chick flicks. I never expected love to be like the movies. But I didn't expect it to be this much of an anti climax. I never expected my first relationship to be so shit, to last a week and a half. To be honest when I get in my next proper relationship I will call that my first relationship. I always expected to be with that guy for atleast a year, I expected to cry when it was over. I expected to miss it. I expected to stay friends with the guy. But nothing works out like how you imagine it will. A guy who you think is harmless, that would never intentionally say anything to hurt you, to then tell everyone you're a slut who cheated. To try to ruin your image. I've blocked him from my life now, no more insulting messages that fuck with your day, no more ignorant phone conversations where he simply mocks you, and no more chances to be friends.

The Beginning of the End

Next up, if you're familiar with my blog you'll know all about.
He was a really good friend of mine, he was sweet and caring and I went to him about almost everything. In fact I was in his room everyday. We were extremely close. But one day, we were just lying in my bed chatting and we kissed. And that was the beginning of the end.
Suddenly we had no idea who we were to each other, friends, but more than friends. We liked each other, but didn't know each other well enough. Stress, tears and miscommunication followed.
We continued, not understanding each others signs. Clinging on to the thoughts and feelings.
But even they're not enough.
People got involved. I cried.
He was probably my first heartbreak. Well in a romantic sense,
He was a good first one though, a lot of tears, there were a lot of feelings on my behalf.
But we agreed we were better at being friends, less messy. So that's what we'd be.
But that didn't work out either, People naturally took sides, and he didn't like it, he started to live in isolation. I worried, he blamed me. I tried to help, it didn't work. Our friendship just fizzled out, we had this one blitz of a phone call with him throwing accusations about me hosting events and telling everyone to exclude them, me shouting and crying back that I never did such a thing. That was the last time we spoke for 3 months.
Then out of the blue we spoke at the beginning of last term. I never imagined I'd ever speak to him again, yet there we were, in his room laughing like first term again, he told me he's never got back in touch with someone after they fell out. I was his first haha.
We were friends again, it was kinda hard and confusing because his best friend and I don't get along, she just doesn't like me for no reason and I couldn't be bothered with that. So he was very much stuck in between the two of us.
But then we started furthering apart again, we became very close very suddenly, and she (the bff) didn't like that, she would scream and shout at him for hanging out with me, and then everything we did had to become secretive, I was pushed aside, and I wasn't happy, I couldn't post pictures of him on snap chat, because apparently she stalks mine, he would come around, and if she found out he would have to leave, we could only hang out on weekends when she wasn't around. I felt small, and stupid, and insignificant. I felt like he thought I would always be around and I wasn't as important as her. So I decided to be done with him. Not for any hateful reason, or ending it in any nasty way, but rather I couldn't be bothered to compete for his attention, because to be real I will never achieve that. I have a lot of friends, they only have each other, I'm not going to steal her only friend.
He still very much means a lot to me, but that's because he understands me in a lot of ways most people don't. He looked after me in my times of weakness, like when I was vomiting blood or everytime I caught a cold, I will always be grateful to him for that.

I don't know why I called this guy my "Beginning of the end", It just feels right, he was the first of my heartbreaks. Because our friendship was doomed from the get go? I don't know.
But I will always love you in a platonic way, its just I'm mature enough to know we can't be friends. We're toxic.

The Pest

If you google image search that, the film cover is almost identical to the guy I'm about to divulge in, The hair, the overeager smile, heck even the sun glasses!
This guy however was sweet, at first he seemed wonderful, I needed a nice guy. When I met him I was still sad about the guy above, he let me forget about him.
However, you know those people who never get the hint? This was all those guys/girls combined into one single body. Seriously, it would be 4am and he wouldn't leave. I would be pushing him out of the door, and slam it shut and he'd just knock again. seriously?
He had this loud booming laugh that he would let bellow about at 4am that would wake up my neighbours.
His shoes would clunk noisily to the floor like worker boots every time he hoped for a little action.
I was mortified.

His hair, how I tried to tell him nicely, but to no avail, he out rightly refused to change his 90's do.
Sooner than later, his nice guy act was beginning to bug me, he wouldn't leave, he inundated me with texts, and Lisa doesn't really do communication. I rather face to face, he demanded entry into my room every day, if I didn't let him in, then he would buzz my neighbour to let him up and then 5 minutes later be at my door.
I had an exam the next day, so I told him specifically in these words "I'm having a hibernation day, so don't come and see me, or bother texting or anything." what does he do, he buzzes my door 4 times during the night, 4 hours straight, once on the hour every hour, calls and texts me to let him up and that I "can't actually be serious". Well I was seriously getting sick of his shit.
It was a term long of clinginess, When I finally told him what I really thought and we called it a day, I was so relived (fun fact- that was also the day I became friends with "the beginning of the end" again). He now has a girlfriend, so the both of us got our happiness.

Hope

I cant speak to much about this one as nothing has happened yet, maybe nothing will. But I found this guy, he's my hope. I really like him, he's just so mellow, so chill and he knows me and gets what I'm like, and he accepts me for that, he deals with all my crap and whining, and doesn't storm off or start an argument with me because of it. I actually want to text him and I take the time to reply to his messages.He's so sweet and endearing, he loves Dennis and he strokes my head and holds my hand.
Hope.
I bloody hope he doesn't see this.

My favourite Manga's part 1

Hey Lovebugs,
So I haven't blogged in a while, and my reasons are all to do with University!
So I am now a beat editor, which means power, but what comes with power?
Work.
Lots of it.
uwahhhh, I am so overloaded that when I do have time off, I find myself wanting to spend it on Gossip girl or small gathering of friends, rather than before, where I loved hanging out in big busy groups
But it will get better over time!

Anyway, I decided that there are millions of manga's out there, all waiting to be loved, gushed and cooed over and read.
But facing all that choice can be daunting, so I will just say that my favourite genre of manga is Romance, School life, and action

So here are 3 of my favourite manga's and the summaries they come with.
So check them out!

1. Fruits Basket.

Fruit basket was my first ever manga, my mum came back from shopping with her friends one day and presented this book upon me, I remember sneering at her "cartoons. Since when have I expressed any interests in cartoons," I told her I would finish the book in 10 minutes flat. Although its true, I did finish the first book in 10 minutes, I loved every single one of those minutes. 

I am a vain bitch, so looks are really important to me, all of the characters are stunning in this series, and as the series continues, the author's skills vastly improves.

I own every single book, 23, not including the specials, books, all at £10. 
£230 well spent.



Wikipedia plot: 

When high school student Tohru Honda's mother dies in a car crash on her way to work in the parking lot, she decides to live with her grandfather. Renovations on the house and unsupportive and unkind family members cause her to move out of her grandfather's house temporarily and, since she has nowhere else to go, Tohru begins living in a tent and supporting herself. That is, until she finds a home in the least likely of places, inhabited by her popular classmate Yuki Sohma and his cousins Shigure and Kyo.

The Sohmas live with a curse. Twelve members of the family (not including Kyo, who is the cat) are possessed by spirits of theChinese zodiac and turn into their zodiac animal when they are weak, under stress, embarrassed, or when hugged by someone of the opposite gender.

When Tohru discovers the Sohmas' secret, she promises not to tell and is allowed to keep living with them. Although the Sohmas' curse is deeper and darker than Tohru realized, her presence and her acceptance of them soon becomes a large, positive influence on those possessed by the zodiac. She sets out to break the curse and, on the way, meets and discovers the Sohma's vengeful zodiac spirits. Each has a different personality, just like the animals in the Chinese zodiac. Tohru's existence changes the Sohma clan's lives forever.

Fruits Basket wikipedia page

2.Kaichou Wa Sama Maid!

I really liked this manga/anime, a strong female lead with a cheeky yet charming male lead. It makes you smile, feel pain and laugh all at the same time. 

Really cute leads and really adorable outfits due to the maid cafe, so we get to see the artist really explore all different tones, styles and occasions. 

I think I first read this is on a plane journey back from Thailand to England, and the few books I had managed to fit in my carry on bag kept me entertained for about an hour of the journey. the next 11 were occupied with music, my imagination and the tv screen infront of me. 

Wikipedia plot:

Once an all-boys school, Seika High, a renowned school full of reckless students, has recently become a co-ed school. However, with the female population still remaining a minority even after the change over the recent years, Misaki Ayuzawa takes it into her own hands to reform the school and allow a chance for the girls to feel safer in the rough environment. Even the teachers are on her side. Training, studying and even becoming the first female student council president of the school, Misaki has gained a reputation, among the male students body as an uptight boy-hating demon dictator and as a shining hope for the teachers and fellow female students. However, despite her tough-as-nails appearance, she secretly works part-time at a maid café in order to support her family.

Unfortunately, Misaki's secret is soon discovered by Takumi Usui, a popular boy at Seika High. Instead of exposing it to the school, though, Usui keeps it for himself and even becomes a regular at the café, much to Misaki's chagrin. Known for being a genius in pretty much everything from academics to athletics and for having rejected numerous confession of his female peers, Usui takes a liking to Misaki due to her standing out from other girls who are attracted to him because of his looks. 

3. Vampire Knight

Vampire Knight is generally really well known amongst the anime/manga community, its your solid safe choice. This was also my 2nd manga. and because I was reading along as it was being published, I know I got really confused with the story line only because I was having big breaks in between.

But this is amazing, really beautiful characters, an interesting plot, and a fun scenario. 

I wasn't a fan of the ending.

Wikipedia plot:

Yuki's earliest memory is of a stormy night in winter, where she was attacked by a rogue vampire and rescued by Kaname Kuran, a Pureblood vampire. Now ten years later, Yuki Cross, the adopted daughter of the headmaster of Cross Academy, Kaien Cross, has grown up and become a guardian of the vampire race, protecting her childhood crush, Kaname, from discovery as he leads a group of vampires at the elite boarding school. At her side is Zero Kiryu, a childhood friend whose hatred for the creatures that destroyed everything he held dear leaves him determined never to trust them. This coexisting arrangement seems all well and good, but have the vampires truly renounced their murderous ways, or is there a darker truth behind their actions? Because in this world of secrets, nothing is as it seems. And the price of misplaced trust may even be worse than death. Should Yuki truly find out what was in her past, is the truth going to hurt her worse than not knowing?

I will be continuing this on shortly with my next set of 3!

Hairway To Heaven

So Sugar's
I realise I've been getting pretty deep recently, what with all that religion talk, and Alice Alarms.
So I decided I would talk about something quite light hearted, Hair!
I've had quite a few hairstyles, my mother and I love hair dye. For me, there's not much that can top going to the hairdressers (Hobs) and sitting in the chair for 3 hours gossiping with your hairdresser.

I suppose for me it all started when I was a child, my parents and I were on vacay in Thailand, we were in Pattiya and my uncles and aunty were joining us later on, my father went to pick them up from the airport and mummy and I had originally planned on going to the beach. But she decided we would get a haircut, she had realised that by the time we would get home in England I would be going back to school the next day, leaving no time for the normal termly do!
She took me in the shiny and polished studio, where Thai women smiled brightly and offered me my favourite drink (Nam Dang) It was there the book caught my eye, small locks of hair in almost every colour you could desire, my mum saw me staring longingly. "Oh no... your father won't be happy with this at all." But I whined and charmed her into letting me get Hi-lights, semi permanent. just for the holiday! My fathers look on his face was priceless. But every since those honey hi-lights were placed ever so gently in my hair. I never looked back.

Of course mummy loved it, joint hair sessions in the salon, hi-lights were a regular thing, that my daddy allowed. 13 now, I was going through my scene little vampire stage, influenced heavily by "Young Dracula" on CBBC, it was a hard time for my parents, their usually girly little princess wearing all black and trying to lighten her skin so it would look as translucent as a vampires, dark kholh lined my eyes sloppily.

Red hair. I wanted Red hair, a quote by P.G Wodehouse said "Red hair. Red hair is very dangerous". I told my mum, the look on her face, but she caved never the less when she saw the rancid self dye I had done to myself. Yeah I went to boots, picked up a packet of live colour dye, and plunged it on my head. It was horrid, mixed with the hi-lights and the dark brown of my natural hair. Mum booked an appointment at Regis immediately. They toned it down, it looked like a reddy brown, mother and I both compromised.

6 months later I didn't like the red, so I dyed my hair brown again, I was still trying to look scene at this point, so my mother slyly suggested we do home jobs for these dyes. I wanted blue hi lights, But they washed out, again more red hi lights, washed out. Purple but yet again it all washed out. I grew frustrated, damn these crazy colours. I stopped bothering. It wasn't until much later my mum when I was back to my girly self, confessed to buying wash out colours to make me believe they were a waste of time.

A year down the line, turning 15, the red from my previous is slightly visible in the ends of my hair from where the colour was originally as hair grows. I was fed up, perhaps it was dip dye before it became fashionable, but I hated it, My mother hated it. But one Christmas, we had our family friends round and we were playing games. I don't know how I got given a gold wig, but as soon as I put it on, my mothers eyes lit up "Blonde would suit you" she says out loud, immediately all the other Thai ladies jump in, throwing compliments. I knew blonde would be the next route for me.

Within a week I was at Regis, Laura my hairdress was constantly being promoted, I told her I was to be blonde, she warned me how long the process would be. What I didn't anticipate was 3 years of dying and bleaching my hair every 3 months. My hair was fucked, really damaged, but I loved it. I loved being blonde. I explored all the blonde spectrum, heck at the very beginning I was so ginger I looked like a part of the Weasley family. It went all the way to the very brightest platinum.
But re-doing roots and touching up the colour every 3 months is extremely expensive. Back when I was fully blonde, I used to spend 5-6 hours at the salon. It would cost my mum a £300 a go! Laura became more and more pro, she moved to , she's now at the top of her game, I believe it was Joan Crawford who said “I think that the most important thing a woman can have- next to talent, of course- is her hairdresser.”. We continued to go to Laura and blonde me up until she said one day  "this is the last time we're going to bleach this hair. You have naturally very strong and thick hair, most hair wouldn't be able to handle this much bleaching. But its time to stop"


I felt a part of my soul crying. It's true when they say blondes have more fun, So I went back to brown, of course with golden hi lights. Everyone loved the change. oh wow the natural look looks great on you. yeah yeah yeah natural smatural. If I liked the natural look I wouldn't have dyed my hair in the first place. I sat mummy down for a talk, I didn't want this hair, theres nothing wrong with it, but it wasn't my style, I like light coloured hair. Something bright. I don't know why, but I love blonde hair. Even in guys, My type is usually blonde! Its the way the sun hits the hair and it looks so angelic. Dark hair made me look pale, blonde hair made me look tanned. She agreed my hair needed more pazazz. We couldnt go back to all blonde, but what would I do?
My father was all tantrum-y, "No No No" I remember him whining "your natural hair colour is lovely, why do you want to keep damaging your hair." I shrugged him, sometimes dads just don't get it.
3 Months later I'm back in the chair with Laura, I tell her my problem, she looks me up and down "theres this trend coming out soon, it's called Ombre, dark to light, how about light brown to blonde for you?"
2-3 years later, I'm still rocking the ombre, In winter I tone it down to different shades of brown, in summer my ends go extremely light. For a while I used to have a toner in of Pink so it was brown to pink, which would eventually wash out into brown to blonde.
I have found my look. But who knows, as I mature and become even more adult like (yikes!) maybe it will change. But for now I have my style. Long hair, don't care, Ombre forever.

Alice Alarms

Hey Sunflowers,

So I haven't blogged in a while, I've been preoccupied emotionally and well it showed in my writing, and my blog is about being happy or kawaii, and well my life I guess. I didn't want to appear as a girl with a million minimal problems, because I realise that there are people out there with worse things to deal with, I'm fortunate enough not to have to worry about debts and loans, I don't cry myself to sleep. To most, my life is pretty easy, I live in a country that tries to be fair and just, I come from two very loving parents and I'm surrounded by people who do care about me.

I suppose that's my big problem, my friends. You see I care very much, if any of my friends are having problems, their problems become my problems. I've told you before, most people use me as a emotional bin, they put their problems onto me and then they feel better. You guys will know that I have no problem with this, if this is the best way I can help them, then that's what I'll do.

Here at Uni I am very close with one girl, for the sake of privacy I'll call her Grace, to most she is this beautiful, cheerful girl who is so lovely to everyone, but realistically she's still that beautiful girl with a warm heart, but she isn't happy. She's faced many issues, that I wont name, but needless to say no one knows just how bad it is. I would worry constantly, always afraid for her well being, she wouldn't really speak to anyone about her problems, it scared me. You might say that it wasn't my problem, that I should just let her get on with it, but I can't, I love her, seriously I adore this girl, she's one of my best friends, how can I leave her to endure all her problems alone.
 After losing Alice I particularly began to worry about any of my friends who showed any signs of depression, my Alice Alarms rang, I began to think it was my job to protect them, just as I tried to protect her. Grace started to appear more and more like Alice and my fears started to increase, enough that I would randomly start crying.
But she slowly started to get better, and I was happy, SHE was happy. Everything was great!
For about two days.
Then my best friend from home broke up with her boyfriend. Do you have any idea how painful it is to stay awake with your best friend, who used to live 15 minutes away from you, but now a whole 45 miles tears you apart, until 5am just listening to her sob, to hear the pain shroud her voice. I cried with her, she's quite vulnerable, she needs love and protection or she'll feel weak and alone. That doesn't mean she is weak, it means she just needs extra TLC. This is the same girl I told you about where she was previously in a toxic relationship that she refused to get out of for a year, even though she would call me every night crying over him. She told me that she started to self harm with a lighter, burning the flesh off her forearms, she was put on anti-depressants 3 weeks prior. Again, Alice alarms start ringing in my mind, This friend has always particularly scared me to be most like Alice. But I have to stay strong, for myself and for her. She's breaking apart and I can't even hug her. I have to entrust her upon people I don't even know, Heck, I don't even know if these people exist. Since she went to university, all I have heard about is her boyfriend. All I can do is call her every night and give her my netflix password.

Most people don't understand why I concern myself with problems that aren't my own. Most people commend me on being a good friend. But personally that's what I believe being a friend entails. To listen to their problems, to love and cherish them, so they know they are wanted, that they are loved.

Even in death Alice still manages to teach me life lessons, the feelings I used to get in my gut that warned me when something was wrong with her have stopped with her last breath, but her image will continue on. She is there helping my friends, through her memory. Our friendship will continue on, in her short existence, caring for her at her lowest states, has taught me what it is to be a good friend, to be a good person. She is completely the reason why I am who I am. Her Alice Alarms ring when I am needed.
I wrote a blog in the past about what Alice taught me about life specifically,you can read it here:  http://lisarayecollins.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/alice-lessons.html

Reacquainting Myself With my Religion.

Hey Chikas,

I know a lot of people who, when feeling particularly lost, turn to religion. It's a sort of comfort, and well I don't really know how I currently feel . I am sort of at a loss. I'm almost done with my first year of university. Here at Bucks, we only do the 2 years, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that in one year I'll be searching for a job, 6 years and I'll be getting married, 8 years or so until I'm popping out children! 

I'm beyond freaked out, and I feel like I need to take a step back and evaluate life right now. I'm not ready to give up the safety of my childhood, to say a final goodbye to certain people, to lose that excuse of childhood. 

So here I am, accepting adulthood, completely fearing the outcome. For once I can't predict what will happen, I can't rely on my family and teachers to help me out when times get tough, I'm totally vulnerable, but I know my faith will keep me protected. 

In my last post I explained how I never felt connected to my Thai half, but I always considered myself Christian. When I was a baby, I was blessed into Buddhism, my father who was a Christian agreed that he thought Buddhism was a good religion for me to be born into, for my mother it seemed a natural thing to do as she and her siblings were blessed as babies too. But why did I choose to ignore that path, why am I seeking it now?  I now find myself wondering why, there was nothing wrong with Buddhism, in fact it's an amazing religion, why was I trying to distance myself? Was it my blatant childhood rebelling against myself? The fact I never found myself connected to it? In my childhood, I was constantly surrounded by the "Thai community" and their children with masses of food. But we hardly ever went to the temple, unless it was Thai New Year, even then as I previously said, It was 5 years ago since I last went (not counting this year).

So I decided to research into the religion to see if Buddhism was something I could connect to, or would Christianity the right path for me, here are some of my favourite quotes I found:

"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free."
- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation.

"Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it."

- Ray Bradbury

"You only lose what you cling on to"
-Gautama Buddha

“Purity or impurity depends on oneself,
No one can purify another.” 
-Gautama Buddha.

“It is not what you can do for your country, but what you can do for all of mankind.” 
― Mike Norton

"You see pictures of Buddha and he’s sitting, reclining, at peace. The Hindus have their twelve-armed elephant god, who also seems so content but not powerless. But leave it to Christians to have a dead and bloody man nailed to a cross.” 

― -Dave Eggers, Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever?

Thai New Year, Thai-red Lisa

Hey cherry blossoms 

So yesterday was Thai New Year, so for any of you fellow Thai's, happy New Years! I wish you all the happiness and love in the world❤️

My mother and I decided a trip to the temple up Wimbledon would be a good place to celebrate, the last time we went was about 4 years ago, and all I remembered was food, praying, more food and watching my cousin come 2nd in the miss Thai SongKran paegant. I remembered having a good but tiring day. So I decided I would come home for the weekend to celebrate again with my family. 

What I did not anticipate was me being so hungover on the Saturday morning that I woke up at 7:30, and continued to severely vomit until 1pm. Lisa has taken a vow of no alcohol until the end of term- unless there is piña colada being offered.

But back to the festival! 

It was amazing, I was blessed by several monks, there were people of all ethnicities attending, but I felt suddenly a wave of nostalgia being surrounded by all the thai's screaming loudly, welcoming you in to their group when you don't even know them. When you're Thai, there is very much a sense of community, you may have just met someone for the first time, but she is now known as aunty!

To be completely honest with you, I used to be extremely conscious being half Thai, I was embarrassed by the culture, the crude language and loud brass tones. Think what you may, but not all Thais are sweet and elegant in long sarongs and perfect hair. I was brought up in a community where children ran havoc, they got whatever they wanted. The complete opposite of my father, I was stuck in two completely different communities, not really understanding either. The loud over friendly Thai folk, or the reserved distinguished Brits.

 About 50 of us would crowd around in parks and restaurants loudly chatting away not really giving a damn, I remember being so embarrassed when people couldn't understand my mother, "aunts" and "uncles", having to speak on their behalf. Turning red in the face when I heard racist remarks against my kind mother who tried her hardest at english and who never had a cruel thought.

It wasn't until much later, at about 16 did I finally appreciate both cultures and all their messes. Having to give hard stares and telling people where to shove it when I heard a word against my mother. It gave me a thick skin, which I guess will help in my future as a journo.

Yesterday gave me a whole day to fully appreciate the Thai community, people who had met me once gave me such big and kind hugs, chittering away about my sex life and university. I laughed a lot, seeing one particular aunt who I had last seen screaming "tecquila!" Jumping around with all the little Thai kids.

I sat and watched the little kids dance around on stage as people handed them lots of ribbons congratulating them on their confidence. Ooooohinh and ahhhhigng at every small talent. It was beyond cute

It was a beautiful day that made you appreciate being part of a multicultured society, next to me whilst watching the show, was this big German dude, on the way to the temple a Australian guy on his way to meet his friends at the festival, helped my mother and me get on the right bus! 

I love being half Thai, it gives me the best of both worlds, wherever I am I have family, literally. My family is so spread out across the globe. 

On another note, whilst praying to Buddha I realised, I want to rid myself of all the hate that is bottled up in me. I don't hate much but when I do, it's pretty extreme. So I decided why put myself through all this? Isn't it better to love? So this year I will try to better myself in love. When someone pisses me off I will feel it, but I will no longer hold the grudge. It's going to be tough but I believe it's the right thing to do.

Also next year I will be trying to compete in the miss paegant! I'm so excited!

But for now, Enjoy these pictures of my day: