Confessions of a Loser In Love pt 2

"And You'll Never Know Love.... And I feel sorry for you!"
-Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort.

Hey little love bugs,
So today I decided I would give you guys an update on my love life.
One of my most popular blog posts was "Confessions of a loser in love", here I talked to you guys about my shamefully full yet empty history.
But these stories were all from before I went to university.
I would consider my love life before uni pretty non-existent. It was full of what if's and me running away from guys, from my own feelings and most of all, running away from growing up, aka responsibility.
But since going to university my love life actually blossomed really quickly. Too quickly if I'm being honest.
The Mistake

I left for University in late September, leaving behind a guy I liked. We had met over summer, and well we had bonded. To be honest it probably was the worry starting to set in that I was going in to university blind to love without any experience, that made me like him. He wasn't my type at all, but all my girl friends had been in relationships, I had started to worry that I had rested in my comfort zone for too long, that I needed to grow a pair and push myself to be in a relationship and well, mature up. I wasn't ready for anything that would happen next.
We were talking every day, and well I started to think that this was alright, I became very comfortable around him, he made me smile and he paid me lots of attention. I come back home for 4 days and he asks me out. I say yes. He tells me that this was our street light.
A few days later we're fighting. He says all the wrong things, by the way we are, you wouldn't think that we had only just started dating. When you start dating, you're supposed to be in the honeymoon stage, all lovey dovey. But here we were, him accusing me of cheating on him with my bestfriend at the time. He had spoken to his female best friend and she, not knowing who I was or what I was like, said she doesn't trust me, that she knew my type. She told him I was seeing another guy behind his back. I know ridiculous right? She'd never even met me, spoken a word to me, or even knew what I looked like. But straight away she knew who I was because she knows my type. The shallow girly girl type who only thought of how we looked.
He knew I wasn't happy, so he invited himself down to my university to stay for 5 days. In those 5 days I knew he wasn't the right guy for me. He embarrassed me, refused to meet any of my friends. acted like a child. The guy that I liked wasn't the guy I thought he was. Relationship over in a week and a half.

When you're a girl like me, you watch all these movies on love, heck I was raised on Chick flicks. I never expected love to be like the movies. But I didn't expect it to be this much of an anti climax. I never expected my first relationship to be so shit, to last a week and a half. To be honest when I get in my next proper relationship I will call that my first relationship. I always expected to be with that guy for atleast a year, I expected to cry when it was over. I expected to miss it. I expected to stay friends with the guy. But nothing works out like how you imagine it will. A guy who you think is harmless, that would never intentionally say anything to hurt you, to then tell everyone you're a slut who cheated. To try to ruin your image. I've blocked him from my life now, no more insulting messages that fuck with your day, no more ignorant phone conversations where he simply mocks you, and no more chances to be friends.

The Beginning of the End

Next up, if you're familiar with my blog you'll know all about.
He was a really good friend of mine, he was sweet and caring and I went to him about almost everything. In fact I was in his room everyday. We were extremely close. But one day, we were just lying in my bed chatting and we kissed. And that was the beginning of the end.
Suddenly we had no idea who we were to each other, friends, but more than friends. We liked each other, but didn't know each other well enough. Stress, tears and miscommunication followed.
We continued, not understanding each others signs. Clinging on to the thoughts and feelings.
But even they're not enough.
People got involved. I cried.
He was probably my first heartbreak. Well in a romantic sense,
He was a good first one though, a lot of tears, there were a lot of feelings on my behalf.
But we agreed we were better at being friends, less messy. So that's what we'd be.
But that didn't work out either, People naturally took sides, and he didn't like it, he started to live in isolation. I worried, he blamed me. I tried to help, it didn't work. Our friendship just fizzled out, we had this one blitz of a phone call with him throwing accusations about me hosting events and telling everyone to exclude them, me shouting and crying back that I never did such a thing. That was the last time we spoke for 3 months.
Then out of the blue we spoke at the beginning of last term. I never imagined I'd ever speak to him again, yet there we were, in his room laughing like first term again, he told me he's never got back in touch with someone after they fell out. I was his first haha.
We were friends again, it was kinda hard and confusing because his best friend and I don't get along, she just doesn't like me for no reason and I couldn't be bothered with that. So he was very much stuck in between the two of us.
But then we started furthering apart again, we became very close very suddenly, and she (the bff) didn't like that, she would scream and shout at him for hanging out with me, and then everything we did had to become secretive, I was pushed aside, and I wasn't happy, I couldn't post pictures of him on snap chat, because apparently she stalks mine, he would come around, and if she found out he would have to leave, we could only hang out on weekends when she wasn't around. I felt small, and stupid, and insignificant. I felt like he thought I would always be around and I wasn't as important as her. So I decided to be done with him. Not for any hateful reason, or ending it in any nasty way, but rather I couldn't be bothered to compete for his attention, because to be real I will never achieve that. I have a lot of friends, they only have each other, I'm not going to steal her only friend.
He still very much means a lot to me, but that's because he understands me in a lot of ways most people don't. He looked after me in my times of weakness, like when I was vomiting blood or everytime I caught a cold, I will always be grateful to him for that.

I don't know why I called this guy my "Beginning of the end", It just feels right, he was the first of my heartbreaks. Because our friendship was doomed from the get go? I don't know.
But I will always love you in a platonic way, its just I'm mature enough to know we can't be friends. We're toxic.

The Pest

If you google image search that, the film cover is almost identical to the guy I'm about to divulge in, The hair, the overeager smile, heck even the sun glasses!
This guy however was sweet, at first he seemed wonderful, I needed a nice guy. When I met him I was still sad about the guy above, he let me forget about him.
However, you know those people who never get the hint? This was all those guys/girls combined into one single body. Seriously, it would be 4am and he wouldn't leave. I would be pushing him out of the door, and slam it shut and he'd just knock again. seriously?
He had this loud booming laugh that he would let bellow about at 4am that would wake up my neighbours.
His shoes would clunk noisily to the floor like worker boots every time he hoped for a little action.
I was mortified.

His hair, how I tried to tell him nicely, but to no avail, he out rightly refused to change his 90's do.
Sooner than later, his nice guy act was beginning to bug me, he wouldn't leave, he inundated me with texts, and Lisa doesn't really do communication. I rather face to face, he demanded entry into my room every day, if I didn't let him in, then he would buzz my neighbour to let him up and then 5 minutes later be at my door.
I had an exam the next day, so I told him specifically in these words "I'm having a hibernation day, so don't come and see me, or bother texting or anything." what does he do, he buzzes my door 4 times during the night, 4 hours straight, once on the hour every hour, calls and texts me to let him up and that I "can't actually be serious". Well I was seriously getting sick of his shit.
It was a term long of clinginess, When I finally told him what I really thought and we called it a day, I was so relived (fun fact- that was also the day I became friends with "the beginning of the end" again). He now has a girlfriend, so the both of us got our happiness.

Hope

I cant speak to much about this one as nothing has happened yet, maybe nothing will. But I found this guy, he's my hope. I really like him, he's just so mellow, so chill and he knows me and gets what I'm like, and he accepts me for that, he deals with all my crap and whining, and doesn't storm off or start an argument with me because of it. I actually want to text him and I take the time to reply to his messages.He's so sweet and endearing, he loves Dennis and he strokes my head and holds my hand.
Hope.
I bloody hope he doesn't see this.