Hey pineapples
So today I decided to blog about my night, so today was the first "party day" back at bucks. Everything was going swell, I looked good, my makeup was on point! I was wearing a cute dress and I was feeling great!
Then I spoke to HIM again, he had become really confusing. We were mates, that's it. Then he texts everyday through break and well makes me confused with what's happening between us.
I came back yesterday, completely alone and well I felt like crap. I had had the best time back home in Barnet, I was with my friends and I was happy. But I was so excited to go back and see everyone here in Buckingham. But when I came back I was so lonely, the people I believed to be my closest friends here didn't even try to be with me and well I ended up crying to Zoe for about half an hour. But everything was sorted out the next day.
Now as promised, here is how to have a shit time.
I was pretty. I was happy. I was living my happy chirpy life. Then he wanders in, acting like how he use to, again my emotions are in haywire, he doesn't like me, why is he doing this?! I will admit here, I still like him. As much as I try to hate him, I just can't. And I'm so sorry to all my friends who know better.
We act like how we use to, why did I let him lead me on? Later on people ask me what's happening and why we're acting like so. How can I tell them I'm the worlds biggest idiot? How can I tell them that after they gave me such precious and good advice I'm still stuck in the same dilemma .
He tells me he wants to be friends, so do I. But at the same time I'm so tired of him. I don't know where I stand with him anymore, what to do, how to behave. Tell me what to do. I'm only young, and this is my first heartbreak.
He sends a message to my ex "I prefer him over you." Why, why would you lead me on like that. Like I have a chance.
I end up crying from 10pm to midnight, until my friends finally take me home since I've gathered quite a crowd,
All gossiping about how he's a dick. He's not, he's great, it's not his fault I like him so. Okay so he lead me on a little, but don't all guys to a certain extent?
My image had always been sweet cute kind Lisa. Now I feel as if everyone pities me, poor heartbroken Lisa, so innocent, so vulnerable. It's true I suppose, still makes me a pity party.
So there's my new image, to freshers I'mthat girl crying in the corner who looks as if she's been dumped. To my friends, I'm sweet Lisa who has been played. To everyone else in UOB that's knows of me, I'm Lisa, the broken girl. Great. Image gone.
Well everyone has their first heartbreak, and as much as I try to deny it. I've had mine. Fuck love. Just fuck it.
I'll probably regret this post in the morning. But another title for this post could be " confessions of an idiot desperate for love."
What worse is that everybody I care about leaves me, my best friend left me and went to the kingdom in the sky, my friends from school have all moved on, and now so has he. He tired of me. And I'm stuck. Left behind again. Who else is left to leave me... Sorry I'm feeling sorry for myself... Ignore me haha
Good night people, hope you have better luck finding love than me.
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