Reacquainting Myself With my Religion.

Hey Chikas,

I know a lot of people who, when feeling particularly lost, turn to religion. It's a sort of comfort, and well I don't really know how I currently feel . I am sort of at a loss. I'm almost done with my first year of university. Here at Bucks, we only do the 2 years, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that in one year I'll be searching for a job, 6 years and I'll be getting married, 8 years or so until I'm popping out children! 

I'm beyond freaked out, and I feel like I need to take a step back and evaluate life right now. I'm not ready to give up the safety of my childhood, to say a final goodbye to certain people, to lose that excuse of childhood. 

So here I am, accepting adulthood, completely fearing the outcome. For once I can't predict what will happen, I can't rely on my family and teachers to help me out when times get tough, I'm totally vulnerable, but I know my faith will keep me protected. 

In my last post I explained how I never felt connected to my Thai half, but I always considered myself Christian. When I was a baby, I was blessed into Buddhism, my father who was a Christian agreed that he thought Buddhism was a good religion for me to be born into, for my mother it seemed a natural thing to do as she and her siblings were blessed as babies too. But why did I choose to ignore that path, why am I seeking it now?  I now find myself wondering why, there was nothing wrong with Buddhism, in fact it's an amazing religion, why was I trying to distance myself? Was it my blatant childhood rebelling against myself? The fact I never found myself connected to it? In my childhood, I was constantly surrounded by the "Thai community" and their children with masses of food. But we hardly ever went to the temple, unless it was Thai New Year, even then as I previously said, It was 5 years ago since I last went (not counting this year).

So I decided to research into the religion to see if Buddhism was something I could connect to, or would Christianity the right path for me, here are some of my favourite quotes I found:

"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free."
- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation.

"Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it."

- Ray Bradbury

"You only lose what you cling on to"
-Gautama Buddha

“Purity or impurity depends on oneself,
No one can purify another.” 
-Gautama Buddha.

“It is not what you can do for your country, but what you can do for all of mankind.” 
― Mike Norton

"You see pictures of Buddha and he’s sitting, reclining, at peace. The Hindus have their twelve-armed elephant god, who also seems so content but not powerless. But leave it to Christians to have a dead and bloody man nailed to a cross.” 

― -Dave Eggers, Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever?

Thai New Year, Thai-red Lisa

Hey cherry blossoms 

So yesterday was Thai New Year, so for any of you fellow Thai's, happy New Years! I wish you all the happiness and love in the world❤️

My mother and I decided a trip to the temple up Wimbledon would be a good place to celebrate, the last time we went was about 4 years ago, and all I remembered was food, praying, more food and watching my cousin come 2nd in the miss Thai SongKran paegant. I remembered having a good but tiring day. So I decided I would come home for the weekend to celebrate again with my family. 

What I did not anticipate was me being so hungover on the Saturday morning that I woke up at 7:30, and continued to severely vomit until 1pm. Lisa has taken a vow of no alcohol until the end of term- unless there is piña colada being offered.

But back to the festival! 

It was amazing, I was blessed by several monks, there were people of all ethnicities attending, but I felt suddenly a wave of nostalgia being surrounded by all the thai's screaming loudly, welcoming you in to their group when you don't even know them. When you're Thai, there is very much a sense of community, you may have just met someone for the first time, but she is now known as aunty!

To be completely honest with you, I used to be extremely conscious being half Thai, I was embarrassed by the culture, the crude language and loud brass tones. Think what you may, but not all Thais are sweet and elegant in long sarongs and perfect hair. I was brought up in a community where children ran havoc, they got whatever they wanted. The complete opposite of my father, I was stuck in two completely different communities, not really understanding either. The loud over friendly Thai folk, or the reserved distinguished Brits.

 About 50 of us would crowd around in parks and restaurants loudly chatting away not really giving a damn, I remember being so embarrassed when people couldn't understand my mother, "aunts" and "uncles", having to speak on their behalf. Turning red in the face when I heard racist remarks against my kind mother who tried her hardest at english and who never had a cruel thought.

It wasn't until much later, at about 16 did I finally appreciate both cultures and all their messes. Having to give hard stares and telling people where to shove it when I heard a word against my mother. It gave me a thick skin, which I guess will help in my future as a journo.

Yesterday gave me a whole day to fully appreciate the Thai community, people who had met me once gave me such big and kind hugs, chittering away about my sex life and university. I laughed a lot, seeing one particular aunt who I had last seen screaming "tecquila!" Jumping around with all the little Thai kids.

I sat and watched the little kids dance around on stage as people handed them lots of ribbons congratulating them on their confidence. Ooooohinh and ahhhhigng at every small talent. It was beyond cute

It was a beautiful day that made you appreciate being part of a multicultured society, next to me whilst watching the show, was this big German dude, on the way to the temple a Australian guy on his way to meet his friends at the festival, helped my mother and me get on the right bus! 

I love being half Thai, it gives me the best of both worlds, wherever I am I have family, literally. My family is so spread out across the globe. 

On another note, whilst praying to Buddha I realised, I want to rid myself of all the hate that is bottled up in me. I don't hate much but when I do, it's pretty extreme. So I decided why put myself through all this? Isn't it better to love? So this year I will try to better myself in love. When someone pisses me off I will feel it, but I will no longer hold the grudge. It's going to be tough but I believe it's the right thing to do.

Also next year I will be trying to compete in the miss paegant! I'm so excited!

But for now, Enjoy these pictures of my day: