Hope you're all feeling jolly and well!
Today's post is on the almighty topic of sex. Now sex is a very prominent culture in our society, with music videos flooded with topless women (thanks Blurred Lines) and films showcasing graphic sex scenes, Lisa (yes, I refer to myself in the third person) has been forced to acknowledge that sex will very much become a feature of her life.So with this in mind, I decided to do it. I would brave out 50 Shades of Grey.
Now to you, this may be nothing that big, but bearing in mind, I am a virgin who has never seen a sex scene let alone porn, this was going to be a very big step for me.
I called the best friend up and made plans. It would be done on Wednesday evening, the last orange Wednesday day to be specific. We would go for dinner first, make small talk. Then we would go to the cinema and the deed would be done.
She was nervous too, if not more so than me. She was worried about what 50 shades would do to me. In fact that was a concern for most of my friends, what would happen to innocent Lisa? Would she suddenly become a sex crazed freak? Would she be so totally freaked out that she would swear off sex forever?!
Oh no my friends, oh no.
This is what happened to me. I was bored at the beginning, cringing at the way Anastasia asked questions like noob. I was uncomfortable, cringed out, and worse, there were no sex scenes yet.
The story progresses, he shows her his red room, I'm grossed out to say the least, what is that! what the fuck!!!! Is what I think as she wanders around the room she would spend a few months in. She tells him she's a virgin, ahhhhhhh Lisa can relate. Then all of a sudden they're doing it!!!!
Now for my first ever sex scene, the first thought that comes to mind was "why are your legs so hairy!" Lisa hates body hair, sorry Anastasia girl, you have lovely hip bones though <3
The whole thing wasn't so bad, I won't lie to you, I was peeping through my hands, to watch it full on, seemed too invasive.
I was okay though, It was right up until the end, I was doing great. I felt slightly uncomfortable watching it, but not repulsed. I was bewildered at the whole "why won't you sleep in the bed" ordeal though, I mean I'm sure there's some big psychological explanation for it, but to be honest, I didn't understand why she wanted him to sleep next to her so badly if they were just having sex, and why he was so adamant on being all "No! No getting to know me! But come meet my family" palava. I found Grey immensely dis-likable.
It was then it happened. She asked him to show her a "real punishment". So he did, 3rd whip in she was crying, and so was I. Yes you read correctly, I cried, no shame here. I mean what the actual fuck, she was obviously in pain and she was not pleased by it, what in the name of Chanel, do you think you're doing. Arsehole.
The film ends with them doing the whole whispering of names and then the screen goes blank,just like my mind for about 10 seconds, Zo, my bffl, and I look at each other, stunned until we both crack at the same time in a burst of rage as garbled rambling of two infuriated girls echo across the cinema. WE WERE NOT IMPRESSED. Zoe claiming to never watch the other films, and me claiming I would read up on the books and get the middle of this shit.
I have now bought the first book.
Now Lisa understands, everything she has complained about has meaning, also theres nothing wrong with having fuzzy legs, but Lisa left English literature behind at A LEVEL. So please, spare me the essay, I don't fuck with you... unlike Ana and Christian >.<
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